Seeing is Believing
by Talipatra
Summary: What if Bella was there the first week that Jake was a werewolf? Would she have freaked out and run or would she have stepped up and been there for him like he'd been there for her?
1. Chapter 1

I paced back and forth, thinking. I wasn't buying the "phone lines are down" story. That was total crap. I stopped and stared out the window. It was getting dark fast. A storm was blowing in. I resumed my pacing. I snatched the phone out of the cradle and punched redial. I'd only been calling one number for the last week. It rang and rang. No one answered, like usual.

I growled to myself and grabbed my keys and headed out the door. I would find a way to see Jake, no matter what. Something was up, I could feel it, and it really pissed me off that no one was talking.

I pushed the truck as hard as it would go, anxious to get to La Push before the storm broke and anxious to get to Jake. The normally 45 minute drive took me 30. It was an improvement, but it wasn't fast enough for me.

I went straight to the Black's house. The windows were all dark, lit occasionally by the flashes of lightning. I parked in the driveway and sat for a moment, trying to figure out where to go next. I climbed out of the truck for lack of anything better to do and started walking. I noticed a worn path in the grass leading into the woods. I wasn't worried about the bear here on the res, so I set off. After a few minutes of walking I could hear the sound of rain hitting the leaves in the trees towering above me. I shivered, suddenly wishing I'd grabbed something heavier than my jacket. Rain in March was bound to be cold.

I was contemplating turning back and sitting in the truck until I saw Jake when I heard noises ahead of me. There were voices and … snarls? It sounded like an angry animal. I walked towards the noises carefully, trying unsuccessfully not to make much noise.

"Bella, what are you doing here?"

I looked up startled and saw Sam. He was wearing only a pair of shorts and his hair was cropped short. He glared down at me, his eyes hard.

"I'm looking for Jake," I said defiantly, standing up as tall as I could.

"You shouldn't be here. Go home."

"Not until I see him." I lifted my chin angrily.

We locked eyes, neither of us backing down. I heard a scream of pain that I recognized was Jake. We both turned and I took my opportunity. I pushed past Sam and ran in the direction of the shouting. I didn't get very far when I felt Sam grab me from behind.

"Get out of here, Bella," he snarled in my ear.

"No," I shouted. "I want to see Jake."

"He can't see you right now."

"Jake!" I shouted, ignoring Sam.

He put his hand over my mouth to quiet me and I bit it as hard as I could. He dropped me, startled and swearing under his breath. I managed to land on my feet and took off in the direction of the noises.

I broke into a clearing and froze. Jake was lying on the ground, curled up in the fetal position, screaming in pain. There were several people in a circle. I recognized Billy in his chair, Embry, Paul, and Jared. There were a few others I didn't recognize. The rain reached the ground here and everyone was soaked. Water was dripping off of their skin and hair onto the soft green ground.

Sam wrapped his arms around me then and started to drag me away. "Get out of here, Bella," he repeated, more frantic. "You can't be here."

I struggled against him. "Jake!" I shouted. "Jake, it's Bella. Look at me."

Jake moved onto his hands and knees, his head still down. I saw that his hair had been cut short and he was naked. He threw his head back suddenly, his face full of pain. Our eyes met and he stared at me, uncomprehending.

"Jake, it's Bella."

Sam turned with me and started back through the woods. I struggled against him. "What are you doing to him?" I demanded angrily. There were tears streaming down my face but they were mixed with rain so no one would really notice. I heard a snarl behind us.

Sam turned and I watched with horror as Jake's body started to shake, the outlines of his skin blurring. Sam threw me into Jared's arms as though I weighed nothing and a moment later, an immense black wolf was in his place. I stared with shock, and then looked back at Jake. He was practically vibrating now and as I watched, he changed. He practically exploded and in his place was a huge russet colored wolf. I shrank back into Jared's chest, terrified.

His arms tightened around me and he backed away from the circle. The two wolves circled each other, growling low in their chests. I suddenly realized there were two more explosions and two more wolves appeared where Paul and Embry had been standing. I looked around the circle but no one else seemed to be phased by this. It was like this was as normal as walking down the street. After a few minutes, Embry and Paul reappeared, also naked. I looked away and stared back at the wolves in the center.

"Let her go," said Embry quietly to Jared. "It's only making him angrier. He can't calm down while he feels like she's being hurt."

Jared quietly released me. He held on to me for a second to make sure I was steady before finally dropping his hands to his sides.

The russet wolf – Jake – was sitting now, his head hanging down. The black wolf was sitting across from him, silent. Everyone's attention was focused on them so no one noticed at first when I took a tentative step towards them.

I didn't know why I was walking towards them. They were huge. My frail human body was clearly nothing to them, even I could see that. All the same, my feet kept taking me forward, squelching through the wet muddy grass.

"Bella," said Billy sharply "what are you doing?"

"Jake," I whispered.

Jake turned his big head to me. There was pain and fear in his eyes. I was standing in front of him now. I dropped to my knees in front of him and looked into his eyes. I shakily placed my hands on either side of his head. Even wet, his fur felt like silk under my fingers. I smoothed it back from his eyes.

"Jake, it's me."

"Bella, back away. He can't control himself at this point." Sam's voice was scared.

"He won't hurt me," I said confidently, not breaking the eye contact. "He promised. Just a few days ago, he promised he would never ever hurt me." I smoothed his fur again.

Jake dropped his head, resting it on my shoulder. It was heavy, nearly knocking me over. I quickly regained my balance and settled back on my heels. I scooted closer to Jake, who was settling down on his paws.

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and buried my face in his neck. I kept petting his fur, willing him to calm down. I didn't understand anything going on except that Embry had said he needed to calm down. I might not be able to do anything else, but hopefully I could do that.

I was practically lying in the mud with him, soaked to the bone. I should have been cold, but he was radiating heat. In the back of my mind I realized Sam and Jared had been warmer than usual, too. I shook it off and focused on Jake. I could feel his pulse slowing down. I closed my eyes and breathed in his scent.

"Breathe with me, Jake. Just breathe."

I felt him shaking again, but it wasn't so violent this time. There was more of an implosion and suddenly I was holding Jake. His head was on my shoulder and his arms were resting on my thighs. I took his head gently in my hands and pulled it off my shoulder and looked at his eyes.

His breathing was ragged and the pain was still there, but the fear was gone. I smiled at him encouragingly and kissed his forehead firmly. He moved his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him. We were both soaking wet and covered in mud but I scrambled into his lap awkwardly, wrapping my legs around his waist and hugging him tightly against my chest. I rested my head on his shoulder now.

"You're ok," I whispered, rubbing his back. "I'm always here for you."

"Bella, you need to go." His voice was cracked. "I'm not sure I can…"

"You won't hurt me, Jake. I know you won't." I pulled back and looked up at him. "If you want me to go, I will, but don't send me away because you're afraid you'll do something to me. You and I both know you won't."

He sighed. "You're soaked. At least go back to my place and dry off."

I nodded and smoothed his short hair back from his face. "Should I wait for you there?"

"I don't know. If you want."

I kissed his forehead again and pulled away from him carefully. I was suddenly painfully aware of the audience we had. I flushed as I moved to stand up and lost my balance in the mud. Jacob caught me and righted me. I stared at him, confused as to how he managed to get to his feet so quickly. My blush darkened as I realized he was still naked and that I'd been wrapped around him.

There was silence as I stumbled my way back through the clearing to the woods. I somehow managed to find my way back to the house. By the time I got there, I was so cold my teeth were chattering and I was shivering uncontrollably.

The door was unlocked so I let myself in. I stumbled into the bathroom and peeled off my clothes, leaving them in a sodden heap on the floor. I turned on the water as hot as I could and climbed in. This probably wasn't what Jake had in mind, but I couldn't think of a better way to warm up. Plus, I wasn't sure where things were in the house. Jake always jumped up to get me whatever I needed or wanted.

I used Jake's shampoo and washed my hair and used the suds to wash my body. Once I was clean and thawed out, I climbed out of the shower and wrapped up in towels. I carefully wrung out my clothes in the tub and draped them over the shower curtain rod before padding to Jake's room.

I felt a little strange pawing through his drawers for clothes but I wasn't sure where else to look. I pulled out a white t-shirt and a pair of boxers. I rolled the waistband of the boxers several times so they'd stay on my hips and pulled on the t-shirt.

I took the towels back into the bathroom and hung them up. I headed into the kitchen and picked up the phone. I punched in the number for the station in Forks.

"Forks Police, this is Gladys."

"Hi Gladys, its Bella. Is my dad there?"

"Yeah, sure honey. Hold on a second."

A moment later, "Chief Swan."

"Dad, it's me."

"Bella? Is everything ok?" he sounded worried.

"Everything's fine. I'm at the res and I forgot a jacket. I got soaked so I'm hanging out here at the Blacks until my clothes dry out."

"How'd you get wet?"

Crap. I hadn't thought he'd ask that question. "Oh, you know, clumsy me, I fell in a puddle in the yard."

Charlie chuckled. "Sounds about right. Are you ok?"

"Yeah. My throat is bothering me some, but I'm going to wrap up in some blankets and warm up."

"Well, if you need to stay the night that's fine. I trust you."

I rolled my eyes. "Thanks Dad."

I replaced the phone in its cradle and sighed. My throat was starting to hurt, now that I thought about it. I'd just gotten over the stomach flu, I didn't want to get regular flu now. I wandered back into Jake's room and pulled the blanket off his bed. I wrapped it around myself and curled up on the couch to wait. The tension and worry and exhaustion caught up with me and I quickly drifted off to sleep, wrapped up in Jake's scent.


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up a few hours later sweating. I struggled to push the blankets off but it felt like they were tied around me. I flailed my arms a little, feeling panic well up in my chest. Whatever was holding the blankets around me loosened slightly so I flailed harder. Suddenly I was falling. I hit the floor with a thump and I groaned.

I disentangled myself from the blankets and stood up. I looked around confused. I wasn't in the living room anymore. A sudden flash of lightning illuminated Jake's room and I started when I saw Jake on the bed. His arms had been holding the blanket around me. He was sitting up sleepily, rubbing his eyes.

"You ok?"

I stared at him. "What's going on?" I demanded, wincing as my voice came out raspy and hoarse.

"You were asleep on the couch so I brought you in here. You were still shivering so I crawled in bed with you to keep you warm. I guess I fell asleep." He frowned at me. "Are you wearing my underwear?"

I blushed. "I didn't know where else to find clothes."

He grinned in the darkness. "Looks good on you. I like you in my clothes."

I rolled my eyes and lifted the hem of the t-shirt to fan cooler air onto my hot skin. "I'm sweating. Why am I sweating?"

"Oh, that's probably partly my fault. My body temperature is higher now."

I climbed on to the edge of the bed and studied him. "What is 'now' anyway?"

"Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

I coughed a deep chest rattling cough. "Maybe. I might be sick by then."

"Sounds like you're sick now." He reached over and placed his hot hand on my forehead. "Damn, Bella, you're skin doesn't feel that cool to me."

"I blame you," I sighed, curling up on the bed next to him. "Why were you out in the middle of the woods anyway? Garage not good enough?"

"Too many things could get broken that way." He started to stroke my hair. "I still don't have a lot of control when I phase."

"Phase?"

"Change into a wolf."

"Oh. Why do you change?"

"I'll explain everything tomorrow ok? Just sleep for now."

I closed my eyes and breathed in his smell. It was comforting and relaxing. I gave in to the achiness and dropped back to sleep.

I didn't sleep long. A crash of thunder woke me up a little while later. I flinched and curled tighter into Jacob. He wrapped his arms around me protectively.

"I'm here, Bells, you're ok."

I pressed my forehead against his chest and tried to breathe calmly. Something irrational in me got scared during loud storms. My whole body ached and my head was throbbing. I pushed away from Jake and sat up, twisting my hair up off my neck.

"I'm hot," I whined.

"Here," Jake's strong hands took the handful of hair from me and twisted something around it to keep it up. He then blew lightly on my sweaty neck. Goosebumps went down my back and I shivered slightly. Who knew his breath would have this affect on me? I figured it was due to the fever.

He climbed out of the bed and flicked on a light. When my eyes adjusted I could see him rummaged around in his dresser for a minute before returning with another t-shirt. I was relieved to see he'd put on some boxers at some point. "Put this on, your shirt is soaked."

Without thinking, I pulled the shirt I was wearing off and dropped it on the floor, reaching for the dry shirt.

"Damn, Bella, you're half naked."

I looked down and flushed. I'd forgotten I wasn't wearing a bra. I covered myself with my hands quickly. "I forgot," I mumbled, embarrassed.

I could hear Jake chuckling and felt him tug the t-shirt down over my head, catching my arms inside the body of the shirt. I wriggled around and poked my arms through the holes.

"I guess we're even now," he grinned as he flicked the light off and climbed back onto the bed. He lightly pressed me down next to him but kept his distance. "You saw mine, I saw some of yours."

"We were both incapacitated, so no one gets to be upset or excited."

He snorted. "Whatever, Bella. I'll remember that sight for the rest of my life."

I elbowed him in the side and we lay in silence for a while.

"So tell me about being a wolf."

"I thought we were going to talk about that tomorrow."

"It is tomorrow."

"Details."

"Exactly. That's what I want."

He chuckled. "Are you always this bossy when you're sick?"

"Maybe. Spill."

He sighed. "Being a wolf is…hard to describe. My senses are all heightened. Even now, I can hear your heartbeat, smell you, see you. Food tastes better, too. I have a higher metabolism now so I eat a lot more than before."

"That's a scary thought."

He tweaked my nose. "Hush you."

I smiled, knowing he could see it. "Does it hurt when you change?"

"Yeah, but the guys say I'll get used to it."

"What's it like?"

He was quiet. I could feel him stroking my hair. "It's like my skin doesn't fit anymore. It feels like an explosion, kind of. I'm not sure how else to describe it."

I nodded and coughed again. My throat felt like sandpaper. "Why do you change?"

"Because the bloodsuckers were here."

I felt my heart stop for a second. "Bloodsuckers?"

"The Cullens. Vampires."

"Oh." I wasn't sure how to proceed from here. He didn't know that I knew what they were, did he? I'd agreed to keep their secret, but I'd never thought anyone else would ever say anything about it to me. I mean really, who in their right mind would believe in vampires? Apparently werewolves did.

"We're the Protectors. We're the only natural enemy of bloodsuckers. They're strong and fast and we're stronger and faster."

I pondered that for a moment. "So you're here to kill them?"

"Not kill them, not unless they break the treaty."

"Treaty?" there was so much I didn't really understand and my head hurt so bad I didn't think I'd be able to retain everything, but I couldn't stop asking questions. It kept my mind off the thunder outside.

We talked quietly for hours while Jake explained everything to me. At one point, he got up and headed into the kitchen, returning with a glass of water for me. I drank it gratefully. The cold water felt amazing against my throat.

"So, tell me about the others. Are you relieved to know what's going on?"

He huffed into the darkness. "No. I'm pissed. Someone should have said something to me."

"Would you have believed them?"

He was quiet, his hand still moving against my hair. "Probably not," he finally muttered. I could hear that he was still upset and I rolled onto my side, facing his direction. A flash of lightning lit up the room and I could see he was scowling. His body was trembling slightly. I wasn't sure if he'd phase right here in the bed with me, but I didn't want to risk it.

I reached up my hand and gently smoothed his forehead. "What good does getting angry about it do you?" I asked softly. "If Embry had pulled you aside and said 'Hey, Jake, sorry I've been acting so weird recently. You see, I'm a werewolf' you would have thought he was insane."

He sighed. "You're probably right. But it doesn't excuse the fact that they should have said something. Anything, even if I didn't believe it. Someone should have prepared me for this."

I snorted. "You aren't making any sense. Even in my fever addled exhaustion induced haze I can see that."

"Well, it's not like you made lots of sense the last few months," he retorted defensively. " All you think about or want is him and then you treat me like a non-boyfriend boyfriend."

I flinched. "Low blow, Jake." I rolled away from him.

"Bella, come on. I'm sorry. I just have a short temper these days. I imagine it's what you must feel like with PMS."

I laughed softly. "PMS?"

"I can't think of anything else to compare it to."

I stayed facing away from him. The mention of Edward had prodded the hole and now it throbbed. I felt a lump growing in my throat. I needed my sun, my Jacob, but he had just pointed out that I treated him the wrong way.

Jake was quiet for a beat. "Bells?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry. I know you don't like to talk about him." He rubbed my arm lightly with his hand. "I need you to still want to be around me."

"Why?" I asked tiredly, rolling back over. "You know there can't be anything more there. You know I'm broken."

"Because you keep me sane. Bella, being phased is…terrifying. Everything is so much more and I feel like I'm going to go out of my mind. I can hear the thoughts of the others and it's scary as hell. Last night was the first time since it all began that I wasn't so scared and that's because you were there. Without you, I'd probably still be phased and we'd all be out in the woods trying to calm me down." He was quiet for a long time after that.

"I'd tried everything before," he finally said. "Thinking about my mom, thinking about hanging out at the beach, hell, I even tried thinking about you to calm down and none of it worked. I just got angry that Mom was dead, that I was a wolf, and that you don't love me. It fueled the fire and kept me phased. Once, it took almost an entire day for me to calm down enough."

I reached up in the darkness and cupped his hot cheek with my hand. "So I'm like a calming influence on you," I wondered.

"Yeah," he put his hand over mine. "I need you to stick around and help me figure this whole thing out. I can't do it alone."

"You've got the others."

"I want you."

Even in the darkness, I could see him leaning in, moving for a kiss. My breath caught in my throat and I moved my hand up and placed it gently on his lips.

"No, Jake. I'm sorry, but I can't."

I held my breath, scared he'd get angry and start shaking. If he was as temperamental as I could be, I'd always be wondering if he was on the verge of phasing until he figured this stuff out. To my relief, after several seconds, he nodded and kissed my fingers.

"I told you I could wait and I can. But please know that just like you need me, I need you."

"How do you know I need you?" I wasn't denying it, I was just curious.

He chuckled and leaned in again, though this time I could feel he wasn't going for my mouth. "I know you better than anyone. Better than yourself, I think." He kissed my forehead lightly.

I sighed and leaned against him. "I do need you, but as a friend. Can you do that?"

"I'll be the best damn friend you ever had."

I grinned and shyly kissed his chest. "Thanks, Jake."

I fell asleep again as the first light of dawn started to break through the storm clouds, wrapped up securely in Jake's arms.

From Tali: Yeah, I feel weird with the whole A/N for some reason...Anywho, I hope you like this continuation. This one is fighting me a little. I've got ideas, but they won't come easily. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, it makes me happy and I clap my hands with glee, eliciting strange looks from my husband and cats.


	3. Chapter 5 which is actually chapter 3

From Tali: So, since I'm such a bonehead, you all get extra chapters today! Yes, I can feel the excitement. It does mean that the story will be fully posted sooner than anticipated. I've been working all afternoon (because apparently I have no life and would much rather write than clean my house) so I've got almost all of it written up. I'm thinking it'll be done by mid week. Anyway, enjoy! This is the original chapter three and takes place the morning after Bella went out to see Jake and after the night they stayed up talking. I'll post Chapter 4 tomorrow and you've already got 5. I basically beta's myself, so...apologies for any mistakes I missed.

***

I was shaken awake what felt like only minutes later. I could see sunlight coming through the window feebly so I knew it had to be a few hours later.

"Bella, wake up." Billy's voice was urgent. "Jake needs you again."

I was wide awake now. "What's going on?" I asked, my voice raspy.

"He and Jared got into a fight. Jake's so angry he can't phase back. He's asking for you."

I nodded and stumbled after Billy into the living room. There were several people standing around, making the small room seem even smaller. I felt horrible but Jake needed me.

Sam stood up from a seat in the living room and quietly led me out of the house to the backyard. There I could see the other wolves in a circle surrounding a snarling snapping wolf-Jake and another wolf I could only guess was Jared. I hesitated, nervous. He hadn't been like this last night.

"Jared, enough," Sam snapped.

The huge wolf turned and growled at Sam. Sam's face darkened and he started to shake. I stepped aside, nervous. Sam didn't phase, though. Jared phased instead and I flushed when he stood up, completely naked. He scowled at me but stepped aside as I carefully made my way towards Jake.

Jake snarled at me, snapping angrily in my direction as I came closer. I stopped and locked eyes with him.

He was furious about something and even seeing me he was lashing out. I felt a tremor of fear go through me.

"Jake, calm the hell down."

Wolf-Jake froze for a moment, allowing me to get close enough to touch him. I carefully wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my face into his fur. I could feel the rumble of a growl deep in his throat. I swatted his nape lightly.

"If you keep growling at me I'm leaving. Now calm down and phase back so I can go inside out of the rain."

The growling stopped but he didn't phase. I stepped back and knotted my fingers in his fur, pulling his head down level with mine. I locked eyes with him. He was still angry. Whatever Jared had said was enough to really set him off.

I turned my head and sneezed, then looked back at Jake. "You're going to make me sick if you stay out here much longer. Calm down. Whatever he said isn't worth this. You're just letting him win by staying angry."

I kept smoothing the fur on his face. I leaned forward and gently kissed his nose. He closed his eyes and I felt a shudder go through his body. Then he was standing in front of me, naked and wet. I looked up at him, a little annoyed.

"Do I even want to know?"

"I'll just get angry again."

I nodded and sneezed again. "Damn, Jake, I think I've got a cold."

He scooped me up in his arms and carried me back into the house. I was overly aware of the fact that he was naked and I'm sure my face was bright red, but I was too cold and felt too bad to really care. Jake pushed through the crowd of people in the house and moved into the bathroom. He turned on the hot water and climbed into the shower with me.

"Jake," I muttered. "You shouldn't be in the shower with me."

"You can't stand on your own. You obviously need me."

"No peeking."

He laughed. "Sure, sure."

I shivered, too cold to put up much of a fight. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead on his chest as coughs rattled my body. He rubbed my arms to bring heat back into them. After a while, I sighed and looked up at him.

"I think I'm warm enough now."

He nodded and reached past me to turn off the shower. He climbed out carefully, still holding on to me. Before I could protest, he pulled the wet clothes I was wearing off and wrapped me in a huge towel.

"Jake," I yelped.

He rolled his eyes. "Please, it's only fair, right?"

I frowned at him. "You're so lucky I'm sick right now."

He grinned and picked me up bridal style and carried me down the hall to his room. He tucked me under the blankets and disappeared. I shivered slightly from the absence of his body heat. I snuggled down in the blankets. I kind of liked being taken care of by Jake.

There was a soft knock on the door and a beautiful young woman stuck her head in. She smiled at me anxiously.

"Are you ok?"

I nodded and managed to get myself into an upright position. "Yeah, I just got wet last night. I think I'm coming down with something." I punctuated my sentence with a sneeze.

She smiled at me. "Sounds like you've already got something." She came into the room then and I noticed that half of her face was disfigured by horrible scars. I could see they went down her arm and ended on her hand. "Can I bring you anything?"

"I think I'll be ok. I just need to get my clothes on and go home. My dad will be wondering about me, I'm sure."

She nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed. "Oh, I'm Emily by the way, Sam's fiancée."

I smiled and disentangled my hand. "Bella," I said softly, holding my hand out.

She shook it firmly. "So are you and Jake…?"

I shook my head emphatically. "No. We're just friends. Friends with a weird co-dependence thing going on, but friends."

She nodded. She looked like she didn't believe me. I had to admit, if I'd seen a naked man carrying a woman into a shower and then reappearing with her wearing nothing but a towel and then found her naked in his bed, I'd be suspicious, too. I sighed. "Really, just friends."

She chuckled. "At least for now." She patted my leg and then left the room. I frowned after her.

No, not just for now, I wanted to shout, for always. I wasn't going to date or fall in love again. I was irreparably damaged by Edward. Just thinking his name made the hole in my chest ache. I wrapped my arms around myself and curled up on the bed again.

"Bella?"

I didn't move. "Yeah."

"Are you awake?"

I snorted. "No, I'm fast asleep."

"You talk in your sleep so that's not much help."

"Shut up."

"I brought you some hot soup. It's from a can, but it's better than nothing."

I sighed and sat up. Jake was being sweet and I was being bitchy because some woman I didn't even know unknowingly picked at my wound. I carefully held the towel up around my chest.

Jake rolled his eyes. "I saw it all in the shower."

"You said you wouldn't peek."

"No I didn't."

I made a face at him. "Punk."

He held out a huge mug with steaming liquid in it. I took it gratefully and took a small sip. "Thanks."

He lay across the bed next to me. "No, thank you. I was completely and totally pissed."

"Wanna talk about it?"

"No not really."

"Ok, then would you mind putting some shorts or something on? Your fun bits are on full display there."

He looked down at himself then back up at me with a grin. "See something you like?"

"I'm going to throw this mug at your head if you don't put something on. No wait, your crotch."

He laughed and pulled himself up off the bed and pulled on a pair of shorts on the floor. "Better?"

"Much."

He resumed his position next to me. "So, tell me. Are you still a virgin?"

I snorted into my mug, nearly spraying soup all over the bed. "What the hell?"

"Just making conversation. You were eyeing my package so I thought I'd ask."

"I wasn't eyeing it. It was just in full display. It's kind of hard to miss. And why are we even having this conversation? It's totally inappropriate."

He shrugged. "I am."

"You are what?"

"A virgin."

"Thanks, I didn't ask."

He grinned. "No but you were wondering."

I rolled my eyes and took a drink, my cheeks warming. He'd brought it up, my mind had just gone down that path.

"So?"

I sighed and handed him the mug to drink the remainder of the soup. I was full. "I am."

"Perfect. We can be each other's first."

"Jake," I sighed again. "I'm sick and there are a million people in the other room and you're talking about sex?"

"You're still hot, you're naked, you're in my bed, and I just took a shower with you. Besides, everyone left while we were in the shower."

"I'm not having sex with you Jake."

"Not yet." He grinned at me. I threw a pillow at his head that he caught easily.

"Why the sudden obsession with sex anyway? Last week you said you could wait forever for me and now you're acting like the stereotypical horny teenage boy."

He shrugged. "I changed a lot over the last week.'

I chuckled. "Ass."

"It's so funny when you swear. It's like listening to a toddler swear."

"I'm going to sleep now if that's ok."

He laughed. "Yeah, that's fine. I love you, Bells."

"I love you, too Jake."

He grinned. "See? You'll be having sex with me in no time."


	4. Chapter 6 which is actually chapter 4

Tali: This is the original 4th chapter. My first posted attempt at anything relating to smut. I generally prefer to just let you imagine, but apparently people like to read this. I do too; it's just a little awkward writing it. Thanks for all the reviews! They make me happier than a lot of things have the past few months.

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When I woke up again, it was much later. My clothes were clean and dry and neatly folded at the foot of the bed. I carefully unwrapped myself from the blankets and the towel and pulled my clothes on. I hunted around until I found a rubber band on Jake's tiny desk and pulled my hair back. I was sure it looked awful but I felt bad enough I didn't really care. I hunted around for my shoes but couldn't find them in Jake's room. I wracked my brain, trying to remember where I'd taken them off the night before. Everything felt hazy, like some kind of incredibly vivid yet bizarre dream. I kept thinking I'd wake up any second and be back in the theater with Jake and Mike each trying to assert his dominance over me.

I shuffled out into the living room and smiled sheepishly at Jake and Billy who were watching a game on TV.

"Sorry I slept so long," I rasped. I winced at the sound of my voice. "I should probably get home to Charlie. He'll be worried."

Billy nodded. "He called earlier asking where you were. I told him you got a little sick so were sleeping it off. He said to just take your time and let him know if he needed to come get you."

I grinned. I was starting to really love Charlie. He always surprised me. "Thanks, but that'd be silly for him to come get me. I think I can manage the drive home."

"I can drive you," Jake offered. "I can phase in the woods behind your house and run home that way."

I shook my head. "It's still raining. There's no point in you getting sick, too."

Jake grinned at me. "I don't get sick, Bells. Kick ass immune system is part of the whole wolf thing."

I rolled my eyes. "I'll be fine, Jake," I said patiently. "I just need to find my shoes and go home. I've got school tomorrow so I need to get home and rest."

Jake sat back in his seat and shrugged. "Suit yourself."

I made a face at him and sat down on the couch beside him. I spied my shoes under the coffee table so I pulled them on. I grimaced when they squished when I stood up. I hated wearing wet shoes.

I leaned over and hugged Billy goodbye and then turned to Jake. "No more phasing for a while, ok?"

Jake rolled his eyes. "I can't promise that, but I'll try to phase back without you."

I nodded and rubbed his head as I grabbed my jacket off the hook and heading out to my truck. The drive home was easy enough, but I felt worse and worse the farther I got from the res. By the time I got home, I wanted to crawl under a rock and die.

It was still raining, but my feet were already wet and pruny so I just slogged across the yard at a normal pace. Charlie was inside watching a game when I came in. I swear it was the same one they'd been watching on the res. He looked up at me with concern.

"You don't look too great."

I grunted. "Thanks." I headed upstairs and straight to the bathroom. I filled the tub with the hottest water I could stand and while it was filling, peeled off my wet clothes. I dropped everything in a heap in my room and darted across the hall quickly to the bathroom.

I sighed with relief as I lowered myself into the water. I closed my eyes and let the hot water sooth the kinks out of my body. Every muscle ached from being cold and holding onto Jake so tightly so often. I was on the verge of falling asleep when there was a knock on the door.

"Bella?" It was Charlie.

"Yeah?"

"Do you need anything? I can run to the store while you're taking a bath."

I smiled. "No, I think I'll be ok. I just need to get some sleep."

"Are you hungry?"

"Not really, but I could manage to eat some soup if we've got it."

"I'll see what I can find."

I heard his footsteps disappear down the stairs and I closed my eyes again. I stayed until the water was starting to cool and pulled myself out carefully. Charlie did not need the added trouble of lifting his grown naked daughter off the floor when she slipped and broke her leg. I drained the tub and wrapped up in towels before heading to my room.

I pulled on a pair of flannel pants and a tank top and crawled into bed, feeling a little more human, but not much. Charlie tapped on the door and came in shortly after I'd crawled in. He smiled at me and put a glass of water and a mug of steaming soup on my nightstand.

"Eat what you can and I'll take care of the rest. You get some sleep and I'll call the school for you."

I nodded. "Thanks, Dad."

He smiled again and in a moment of rare affection, smoothed my hair and kissed my forehead. "I'm close if you need anything."

I nodded and closed my eyes.

I dreamed that Jake crawled through my window, crawled into bed with me and held me all night, just like Edward used to do. It was so vivid I could smell his soap and his natural underlying smell, I could feel his smooth skin under my fingers and the heat that now radiated from his body.

I lifted my face to look at him and studied his face carefully. He had all the beauty of Native Americans: a strong straight nose, beautiful dark eyes, high cheekbones, full lips. If he'd let his hair grow out he could be the poster child for beautiful Indians.

I lightly traced my fingers over his cheekbones and across his lips. He puckered his lips and kissed my fingertips lightly. I smiled and cupped his cheek in my palm and lifted my face. I'd actually wondered what it would be like to kiss Jake.

He kissed me back, lightly at first, then he slid his arm around me and up into my hair, pressing my face against his as he parted his lips and lightly flicked his tongue across my own lips. I sighed softly and opened my mouth to him.

Edward's kisses were always coldly passionate and carefully guarded. Kissing Jake, at least in the dream, was heated and urgent and reckless. I felt him shift over me, his weight pressing me into the mattress as one hand slid down under the waistband of my pants. His fingers gently rubbed around the part of me that Edward had always avoided like the plague. He slowly slid a finger in and I moaned. He moved around, exploring me while still kissing me. I hitched my leg over his hip and arched against him, wanting more.

Suddenly he was gone and I was alone in the bed feeling completely frustrated.

I slowly started to wake up. I could sense a presence in the room so I sat up and looked around confused. The window was open a crack, letting in a cold breeze. The door to my room was open, too and Charlie was there in the doorframe.

"Are you ok?" he asked anxiously. "I thought I heard you moaning." He crossed the room and shut the window, locking it. He stared out for a moment before turning around, shaking his head.

"I'm fine," I yawned. "Just a little achy." I wasn't about to tell Charlie he'd interrupted a sex dream about Jake.

He nodded, looking slightly relieved. "I'm about to head off to work. Are you up to school?"

I shook my head. "No, I still feel pretty bad."

"Well, get some sleep then. I'll call in for you. I'll bring something home for dinner so you just focus on sleeping."

"Thanks, Dad." I smiled up at him.

He exited and a few moments later I heard the engine on the cruiser catch as he backed out. I drifted off to sleep, a little embarrassed at how much I wanted to finish the dream, but it eluded me. I tossed and turned restlessly for a while before waking up again and dragging myself downstairs. I couldn't sleep much anymore and figured I'd just watch some TV.

I settled myself on the couch with a pitcher of water and a glass, my pillow and quilt and the cordless handset. I dozed off and on through the morning talk shows and soaps. It was about noon when the phone rang, startling me awake.

I sat up and answered it groggily. "Hello?"

"Bella?" it was Billy. He sounded frantic. "Can you come back out here?"

"What's wrong?" I stood up quickly and closed my eyes as everything started to spin around me.

"It's Jake again. I'm not sure exactly what happened, he just went crazy. He's been pacing around angrily and nearly attacked me."

My heart pounded in my chest. "Where is he?" I was already heading towards the door.

"In the clearing where you found us last night."

"I'm on my way."

I hastily scrawled a note in case Charlie came home before I got back and headed out into the rain again. I had the presence of mind to grab a raincoat this time, though I forgot shoes.

My feet were like ice by the time I got out to La Push. The heater in the truck decided that today was the perfect day to stop working and my teeth were chattering when I turned onto Jake's street. I parked in front of the little red house and swung out of the truck. The rain was coming down in sheets so I pulled my hood up in a vain attempt to keep at least part of me dry. My legs and feet were soaked before I'd gone more than a few steps but I forged on.

I found the path from the night before and hurried along it. I could hear growls and snarls ahead of me a lot sooner than I had the night before. I broke into the clearing suddenly and wolf-Jake turned on me, snapping and snarling. I'd caught him off guard and he looked like he was about to lunge at me.

I shrank back from him but he kept advancing. He was picking up speed as he came towards me so I quickly pushed my hood back.

"Jake, it's me," I shouted over the rain.

He slowed but kept growling at me. He advanced slowly, like a hunter stalking his prey. I unzipped the raincoat, unsure if he really recognized me. I knew the rain would intensify my scent and figured in this instance that would perhaps be my only savior. Jake wasn't himself, not even whatever self was left when he was a wolf.

I dropped the coat to the ground beside me and held out my arms. Wolf-Jake paced around me, snuffling at me, a low growl still in his throat. My heart pounded and my head throbbed. If he didn't kill me first, I was going to kill him when he phased back.

He finally stood in front of me, his muzzle against my neck. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he sat down, pulling our chests together. I took deep steady breaths. "Breathe with me, Jake. Calm down."

I could feel the low growls subside and his chest expanding and contracting with mine. We breathed in and out slowly and I was vaguely aware of the circle that formed around us. The other wolves had probably always been there and I just hadn't noticed them. Billy and a couple other people I recognized from the night before joined the pack as they circled around us. I saw Jared scowling at me, his brow furrowed and his eyes angry. I ignored him and focused on breathing with Jake.

It took longer than before, but he finally shuddered and imploded, turning back into Jake. We fell backwards into the mud with me on top of him when he suddenly changed from a sitting wolf to a sitting human. He held me tightly to keep me from getting hurt.

We stood up carefully, and I studied his face. He looked exhausted, like he hadn't slept in days. With a start, I wondered if he had. I reached up and wiped some mud from his face and sighed.

"Are you ok now?"

He nodded. "Thank you Bella." He leaned down and kissed my forehead softly. He scooped me up and headed back towards the house.

I stopped him before he headed inside and to the shower. "No, Jake. I have to get home. Charlie doesn't know I left. I'm sick and need to go back to bed. I didn't sleep very well last night."

Jake had a funny look on his face. "You want me to take you?"

I shook my head. "Stay here and figure out how the hell you're going to manage on your own without me." I smiled up at him tiredly and climbed into the truck. I'd left the keys in the ignition so I started the engine and headed home.

As soon as I got there, I crumpled up the note I'd left Charlie and took another shower, scrubbing the mud off my skin and out of my hair. I grabbed all my wet clothing and threw it in the washing machine. Charlie would begin to wonder if I kept showing up with soaking wet clothes when I came home from visiting Jake.

I pulled on more flannel pajamas and had just resumed my spot on the couch when Charlie pulled in to the driveway. He came in quietly and looked at me with surprise.

"Feeling better?" he asked, setting a pizza box on the coffee table.

"A little," I admitted. "I slept most of the day. I'm feeling hungry, so that's a good thing, right?"

Charlie grinned at me and disappeared into the kitchen to retrieve plates and a beer for himself. We sat and ate in companionable silence while watching an old movie on TV. I flipped it to a game and settled back to sleep. I liked having company when I was sick, as weird as that was.

The phone rang again while I was half asleep. Charlie answered it quietly.

"Hi Billy," he sounded pleasantly surprised. "Yeah, she's right here but she's sleeping. Can I have her call you later?"

I shook myself awake and sat up groggily. "I'll take it," I yawned.

"Hold on a sec," Charlie said before handing me the phone.

I pressed it to my ear and moved into the kitchen for some privacy. "Hello?"

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you were so sick or I wouldn't have called."

I rolled my eyes. "He needed me, Billy. I just hope he lets me get better before he needs me again."

Billy chuckled softly. "I'll only call you when absolutely necessary, how about that."

I grinned. "That works for me."

"Feel better, Bella."

"Thanks Billy. I'm working on it."

"You think you and your dad might come out this weekend? We're going to try to have a bonfire if this rain lets up."

I laughed. "When does the rain ever let up here? I'm off from school next week, so I'll be out there plenty, I'm sure."

Billy chuckled. "Alright. Let him know we're having a bonfire the first clear night and he's invited."

"Will do. Thanks Billy."

"No, thank you Bella. Bye."

"Bye."

I ended the call and returned to the living room. Charlie looked up at me with raised eyebrows.

"What was that all about?"

My mind raced. I hadn't thought of what I might tell Charlie. "Oh, nothing," I said, thinking quickly. "I left my jacket there and he was just letting me know he found it." I was relieved to remember I had left my rain jacket this afternoon, so it wasn't a total lie.

"Oh. He could have told me that."

I shrugged. "Billy does things his own way, you know?"

Charlie grinned. "Yeah."

"He also invited us to the bonfire they're having the next clear night."

Charlie chuckled. "That'll be a while. They're predicting rain for the next week."

I settled back on the couch. That meant I'd be calming Jake in the rain again. "It'd be simpler if they just predicted when it _wasn't_ going to rain."

"Probably."

I sat and watched with Charlie for a while before dragging my blanket and pillow back upstairs and crawling back into bed. I checked the window before I went to sleep, making sure it was shut and locked. I had a sudden, somewhat irrational fear of something crawling through my window in the night.


	5. Tali's a complete idiot

Dammit, I'm such a spaz. I was in a rush this morning and uploaded the wrong chapter to the story…lol I actually skipped over two chapters, one I had playing in my head and one that I'd actually written up. Should I bother uploading these or just continue from here? The next chapters aren't written yet, so it would be a little while before I updated.

Thanks for all the reviews! As my friend aviddaydreamer says, they're our own personal heroin. ;-) I have to say, four in as many hours today puts the maple syrup on my French toast.


	6. Chapter 3 which is actually chapter 5

Over the next two weeks, I got three frantic phone calls to go out to the res to help Jake calm down. I was beginning to wonder if he was doing it on purpose in some weird attempt to seduce me or something. He always thanked me after he phased back even though he was still a little angry. I had a feeling the others were giving him a hard time about needing me to help him phase back, which only led to further frustrations over needing me. Plus, apparently they were upset that I knew and I wasn't part of the inner circle of the elders and the immediate family who needed to know so that didn't help things any.

Charlie was a little confused as to my sudden acceptance of the so-called gang after my initial suspicions. He was eyeing me at breakfast one morning as I talked to Jake on the phone.

"Ok, bye Jake. Love you too." I hung the phone up and turned to grab my backpack.

"So…love?"

"Dad, don't start."

He grinned. "So you don't hate the other guys?"

I shrugged. "They're kind of jerks at times, but it's not too bad. We're getting along." I checked my watch. "I've got to go. I'm gonna be late."

Mike was waiting for me when I when I pulled in to the school parking lot. I sighed and braced myself as I climbed out.

"Hi Mike."

"Hey Bella. I wanted to apologize again for getting you sick."

"You've apologized every day since Spring Break." I slung my bag over my shoulder and started off towards the school through the mist.

"Well, I felt really bad. Especially since you had to miss school and work for a few days."

I shrugged. "It's ok." I wasn't going to explain that part of the days I'd missed were due to getting the flu while hanging out in the rain in my underwear and wrapped around a naked Jake. On the other hand, mentioning I'd spent lots of time with a naked Jake over the break might get Mike to lay off.

He kept up a steady stream of chatter but I stopped listening when we got to the building. We went our separate ways and I breathed a sigh of relief at not having to pull out the big guns…or Jake's singular big gun. My face flared as the image of him naked popped into my head unbidden.

I lowered my head and forged into the crowds. Only two more months and I would be rid of the hell that was high school.

School dragged by and then I had a shift at Newton's. I was staring out the window bored when Mike came over and leaned against the counter across from me.

"So, Bella, are you working this weekend?"

I looked at him, annoyed. "No." He was the one who posted the schedule earlier, he knew I wasn't on it for the weekend.

"Cool. So…you wanna do something?"

"I have plans with Jake," I said quickly. We'd walk on the beach or something, anything to get me away from Mike.

"Oh." He looked disappointed. "So…are you two like, a couple or something?"

I sighed. "Or something." I couldn't lie about it, even to Mike.

He grinned again. "So some other time, ok?"

I chewed on my lip and shrugged. He took that for an affirmative response and headed to the back of the store whistling. I scowled at his back. He was so annoying. I was getting past the point of caring whether or not I hurt his feelings.

My shift finally ended and I headed home. It was already getting dark so I knew that Charlie would be home soon. I headed inside ahead of the first drops of rain and started fixing dinner. I was in the middle of sautéing some chicken when the phone rang.

"Swan residence," I answered, squeezing the phone between my ear and my shoulder.

"Hey Bella," it was Billy.

I sighed. "I'm not coming out there every time you call, Billy. He needs to figure this out for himself and I can't always be his crutch."

Billy chuckled. "Good for you. I just thought I'd call to see how you're doing though. No one seems to be asking you that."

I smiled. "I'm ok. A little annoyed with Jake right now, but ok."

He laughed at that. "He is pretty stubborn. Gets that from me, I guess."

I smiled. "He's ok, though, right?"

"Yeah, he's fine. He's out running with the pack right now."

I nodded and poked at the chicken. "So how long will this phasing thing keep up?"

"Until he decides to stop I guess. He'll stay the same physically until he does. The longest time an elder stayed a wolf was about 200 years."

My jaw dropped. "Jake could stay young like that for 200 years?" I asked incredulously.

"It's possible."

"Wow." I checked the rice. Everything was ready so I started dishing food onto plates.

"Anyway, Bella, I just wanted to call and thank you personally for everything you've done for Jake. He's a pain, I know, but he does love you and you're a huge help to him, whether or not he admits it."

I grinned. "Oh, he admits it plenty. Thanks for thanking me, though. I appreciate your appreciation."

He laughed. "Is your dad home yet? I wanted to see if he was up for fishing this weekend."

"Not yet, but I'll have him call you, ok?"

"Sure, sure." I grinned at Jake's customary phrase coming out of his dad's mouth.

"Bella, I'm home," I heard Charlie call just then.

"Oh, hold on Billy, he just walked in."

I passed the phone off to Charlie mouthing that it was Billy and put the plates of food on the table. I ate while they talked, obviously setting up a fishing trip for early on Saturday. Charlie looked at me while on the phone. "Yeah, I'm sure she'd love to come out and spend the day with Jake."

I raised my eyebrows. Hallelujah, I had plans with Jake this weekend after all.

Saturday morning before the sun was up, Charlie and I were on our way out to the res. I rested my head against the window and dropped off to sleep. I woke up when I tumbled out of the car into Jake's arms.

"Jake," I complained.

He grinned at me. "You looked so peaceful. I had to ruin that."

I laughed in spite of my irritation. Charlie and Billy were already loaded up and heading out, eager to get to the fish. They waved as Jake and I headed into the house.

"So what's on tap for today?" I asked, settling down onto the couch.

"I'm taking you cliff diving."

I stared at him. "Cliff diving?"

"Yeah, you stand on a cliff and jump off into the ocean."

I rolled my eyes and hit him with a couch cushion. "I'm not stupid, I just didn't know you did that."

"Oh yeah, it's an awesome rush. You're going to love it."

I studied him for a second. "I didn't bring a swimsuit."

"That's ok. We can do it naked."

I hit him again. "No nudity."

"Fine. Just underwear then."

I chewed on my lip. "Who all will be there?"

"The pack."

I sighed with relief. He wouldn't be dumb enough to try anything with them all around, right? "Ok, I'm in."

His eyes widened. "Really? Just like that?"

"Just like that. I need something new to give me an adrenalin rush. Hugging a werewolf who turns into my naked best friend just doesn't do it for me anymore."

He grinned at me. "Then let's go. We can jump a few times before the others get there at noon so you'll be a real pro."

We grabbed a couple of towels and some dry shirts and climbed into the rabbit. Jake drove to a point on the cliffs that was pretty high. It wasn't the top, though, and I was grateful for that. I pulled off my shoes and socks and wriggled out of my jeans. I pulled my shirt over my head and shivered slightly when the cold air hit my bare skin. I looked up at Jake who was wearing nothing but a pair of athletic shorts. He grinned at me.

"You look cold," he snickered.

I scowled at him and hugged myself. "Interestingly enough, a camisole and panties aren't the warmest clothing items."

He pulled me against his chest to warm me up for a moment then led me down to the edge of the cliff. We stood and looked over the edge, down at the waves that beat against the beach and the cliffs. My heart thudded in my chest and for once, the hole didn't ache. Jake reached over and took my hand in his.

"Ready Bells?"

"No."

He grinned. "On the count of three. One…two…three!"

We jumped, holding hands tightly. The wind rushed past us, blowing my hair up. For a moment, I felt like I was flying. I looked at Jake and his face was beaming with the enormity of the smile he was wearing.

We hit the water and the cold knocked the breath out of me. We sank for what felt like forever before we finally started back up to the surface. When my head broke through, I gasped for air, sucking it greedily into my lungs. Jake was beside me, still holding my hand, laughing at me.

"Didn't I tell you that was a rush?" he grinned, pulling me against him in the water.

I grinned back. "Yeah. Let's go again."

We swam towards the beach and climbed back up to the top. This time, I took a running start, flinging myself over the edge with Jake close behind.

We jumped a few more times and saw the other wolves as we made our way to shore the last time. I grinned up at them, pushing the wet mass of my hair out of my face.

"Where have you ladies been? Putting your faces on?"

Embry grinned at me. "I'm surprised you did it at all."

"She didn't jump from the top, though," snorted Jared. "She's probably too chicken for that."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Lead the way, princess."

There were laughs around the group as he narrowed his eyes back at me. He turned and started up the cliffs, the rest of us following behind like ducklings.

The top was a lot higher than where Jake and I had been jumping from. Jake stood next to me and reached over to take my hand. I looked up at him and shook my head slightly, pulling my hand out of his grasp. I had to do this on my own if I wanted the wolf pack to respect me. I took a deep breath and backed away from the edge slowly.

"See, she's chicken." Jared sounded triumphant. I wish I could have seen the look on his face when I raced past him and hurtled myself out into space. There was a moment of silence before I heard cheers and whoops.

I hit the water and as I was surfacing, I heard the sound of the guys hitting the water around me. I started back to shore while they roughhoused, splashing and dunking each other. I'd heard Emily refer to them as brothers and they really acted it. I reached the beach and sat down on an old tree to watch them playing.

I shivered and pulled my knees up to my chest. It was cold. I should probably insist we go home now, but the pack had just gotten here and I didn't want to break up the fun. They gradually made their way to shore and watching the lot of them climb out of the water was like watching the opening credits to Baywatch. Chiseled bare chests, muscled arms and legs, the same satiny russet colored skin and short close cropped black hair. I got a little thrill out of it, especially when Jake wrapped his arms around me and lifted me up off the tree.

"Ready for another go before we head back for lunch?" he asked with a grin.

I laughed. "Sure, sure."

After another jump, we all headed to Emily's house. I pulled on my jeans and a clean dry shirt before heading inside.

The house was warm and cozy and seemed bursting at the seams with the group of huge guys. I hid in the kitchen with Emily while she cooked and passed out food.

We spent the rest of the afternoon at the small house. I loved watching the guys goof around with each other. They were amazingly graceful for being so big. I kept expecting someone to crash through a wall or into a table or something but nothing happened. At one point, though, Jared and Jake went outside and wrestled around in the mud.

Sam followed them out and picked up a water hose, spraying them with it. I laughed at the surprised expressions on both their faces. They caught the towels Sam threw at them and dried off before trooping back inside.

After a while, Jake and I headed back to his house. I pulled out some stuff I found in the fridge and started dinner while Jake hopped in the shower to clean up. Before he was out, Billy and Charlie got back. I served everyone before taking my place next to Jake. Billy and Charlie exchanged glances and I rolled my eyes. Wishful thinking seemed to be catching around here.

"So what'd you two do all day?" asked Billy as he forked a piece of chicken into his mouth.

"Cliff diving," Jake mumbled around a mouthful of food.

Charlie's fork froze halfway to his mouth. He looked at me in surprise. I smiled sweetly at him and took a sip of my water. He probably hoped Jake was joking and I wasn't about to ruin that for him.


	7. Chapter 6

Tali: What I am - incredibly angry at times that my dad died. What I am not - the owner of the characters. SM gets those. I'd like to trade her, I think...

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Over the next month, I kept running out to help Jake, seemingly always in the rain. He couldn't seem to phase in the few hours we had where it wasn't pouring rain. I was starting to really hate spring in the Olympic peninsula and, in a much lesser way, Jake.

I was getting frustrated by him always calling me out there to help him. I got a little behind in my homework, not a good thing since I was set to graduate in less than a month. I even left work early one day when Billy found that number and called me to let me know Jake was tearing up the garage.

"Jake, you've got to get your damn temper under control," I complained as I picked my way over shards of metal and the splinters of the old couch that had once been in the garage.

Jake looked sheepish. "I'm trying," he said meekly. "I'm just having trouble figuring out how to focus on my calming thought without it being right there."

"What's your calming thought?" I asked curiously.

He grinned. "You are, Bella. Haven't you figured that out by now?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm a calming presence, sure. How am I a calming thought?"

"I just remember how nice it feels to hold you in my arms and your laugh and the feel of you against me. It's worked a few times."

I blushed. I hadn't had any more of the dreams starring Jacob but I had used the memory of what almost was as inspiration in the shower a couple of times. It was embarrassing enough to remember that, I'd have been mortified if anyone, especially Jake, actually knew about it.

Jake carefully lifted me over some torn rubber that used to be a tire and set me down outside the garage. We turned and contemplated the mess that used to be a car, couch, and assorted tools. I looked up at him. "Seems like you have some work to do to straighten this up."

He rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I should get on that."

He pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head. "Thanks for coming, Bella."

"No worries," I hugged him back. Hugging him while he was naked was getting to the point where it didn't embarrass me anymore. Jake being naked was as natural to me now as Edward being marble had been.

In spite of how often I was with Jake, Edward kept popping into my thoughts unbidden. It frustrated the hell out of me, but at least I'd stopped hurting so much whenever it happened. It was now more of a dull throb. I'd suddenly realized a few days ago that I'd been so wrapped up in being wrapped around Jake and his issues that I'd basically forced myself to stop wallowing in my grief over Edward and move on with my life. Any free time I had now was spent frantically catching up on schoolwork and cooking meals ahead of time in case I was suddenly called out to the res and didn't have time to cook a proper meal from scratch like I usually did. I just didn't have time to miss Edward anymore.

Jake and I headed inside. I settled on the couch and watched the news with Billy while Jake went to his room and put some clothes on.

"Anything interesting going on in the world?" I asked as I kicked off my shoes and tucked my feet up under me. It was Saturday so I didn't have to rush home.

Billy chuckled. "No, not really. War, famine and pestilence. Same old."

I nodded and leaned my head against the arm of the couch. I'd been up late the night before doing physics homework and I was exhausted. Plus it'd taken Jake nearly fifteen minutes to calm down this time and I was tense from that whole mess.

Jake dropped onto the couch next to me. He snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me against his bare chest.

"Don't you have a mess to clean up?" I groused, pushing against him.

"It can wait," he shrugged.

I rolled my eyes. "If you're not going to clean up, then we need to have a discussion about a couple of things."

He looked at me, guarded. "What kind of discussion?"

Billy leaned forward, interested. "Should I leave?"

I shook my head. "No, you can stay. We just need to help Jake figure out how to phase back without me. He's not really trying to do it on his own."

"I am too," he said indignantly. "You're just better at it than I am."

I frowned at him. "Jake, eventually I'll be unavailable. What are you going to do when you get angry then and can't calm down without me? You have to force yourself to do this on your own."

He crossed his arms over his chest like a petulant child. "So what's your suggestion?"

"Breathing seems to help you," I pointed out, shifting on the couch so I could see both him and Billy. "If you take deep breaths and think about what calms you, I think that will help some."

Billy nodded. "You could ask the others what they do," he put in.

Jake scowled at the floor. "They don't even really know how they do it. They just…change." He looked up at me. "You're the only sure way of calming me down."

"Jake, I am not your dancing monkey!" I snapped. "I am not at your beck and call 24 hours a day! I just may not come the next time."

He looked at me with surprise. "You really wouldn't come?"

"I really wouldn't. That's why we need to figure out how you can do it for yourself." I chewed on the inside of my cheek thoughtfully. I had a thought, but I didn't really want to express it in front of Billy. "Jake, let's go clean while we think. Both of us working should make it go faster. Plus, you need to work out the residual anger before you explode again."

He rolled his eyes but lifted himself off the couch. I pulled on my shoes quickly and took the hand he offered. He easily lifted me off the couch. Billy looked a little startled by the sudden end of the conversation.

"Your dad will be out here for dinner, so you kids can take your time. No rush for Bella to get home."

I nodded and followed Jake out to the garage. I was going over in my head how to word the idea I'd had in a way that wouldn't completely freak Jake out. He started piling up the remains of the contents in the garage in a pile outside while I stood and watched. He looked over his shoulder at me. "I thought you were going to help."

I took a deep breath. "I just wanted to get away from your dad. Our conversation is not over."

He stood up and looked at me warily. "What could you possibly have to say that you wouldn't say in front of him?"

I stared at him, working up the courage to say it. "Would a memory help you?"

He stared at me, confused. "What do you mean?"

"Would a happy memory help you calm down?"

He frowned. Clearly, he'd never thought of this before. "I don't know. I could try that next time. What memory should I use?"

I shrugged and dragged the shredded tire into the pile. "Anything that makes you supremely happy. What's your happiest memory?"

Jake actually _blushed!_ My jaw dropped and I stared at him. "I don't know," he mumbled, not looking at me.

"You totally just thought of something. What was it?"

"Nothing," he muttered, grabbing a piece of metal and lifting it like it was a feather. "It'll piss you off."

I raised my eyebrows. "Spill, Jake." He didn't look at me, just kept working. "Jake." He kept ignoring me. Now I was getting pissed. I blocked his path back to the garage and grabbed his arms. "Tell me."

He sighed. "Promise you won't get pissed off at me."

I studied him for a moment. "Ok."

He nodded and pulled me over to sit on what was left of the bench seat for the back of the car Jake had destroyed. I crossed my legs Indian style and looked at him expectantly.

"My happiest memory is the night we spent together."

I stared at him for a beat. "The night after your first phase where we stayed up talking?"

He shook his head. "No, the next night."

I frowned. "Jake, we didn't…" I trailed off. That dream. It hadn't been a dream. I stared at him in horror.

He flinched at the expression on my face and leaned back. "I'm sorry Bella, I just wanted to make sure you were ok and then you started kissing me and I just wanted to feel…you."

I pressed myself back against the seat and stared at him. "That was real," I said softly.

He nodded and studied me for a second. "Do you hate me for doing that when you were kind of out of it?"

"A little," I admitted.

He sighed and ran his hands over his head. His hair was growing out and it looked crazy right now.

"So do you think that memory would help you?" I asked awkwardly.

He shrugged. "Maybe. I can try."

Here was the part that had my stomach in knots. "Would you like to create a memory to help you? Within reason, of course," I added quickly when his eyes lit up.

"What did you have in mind?" he asked, a wicked twinkle to his eyes.

I shrugged. "I'd originally thought kissing, but since your memory is what it is, I'm not sure anymore."

"Kissing could be good." He looked like a kid set loose in a candy/toy store with an unlimited budget and time limit. "I could be ok with kissing."

I smiled, suddenly shy. Jake reached for me and pulled me into his lap. We studied each other for a long minute before he leaned down and kissed me, hesitantly. It was feather light and tender. I sighed softly and turned my head, deepening the kiss.

Jake pulled me tighter against him, one hand holding my head the other wrapped around my waist. I pulled away and frowned.

"This is awkward."

He looked a little hurt. "Why, because I'm not him?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, because of our positions. Don't freak out." I stood up and resituated so I was sitting astride him. His eyes widened as I lifted up and kissed him again. I was determined to give him the best damn memory of all so he didn't need my physical presence.

I grabbed the sides of his face and pulled him to me, kissing him with all the passion I'd ever given Edward and more. To my pleasure, he returned it, his hands gripping my waist and pulling me closer to him. His tongue lightly grazed mine and sent chills down my body. I groaned into his mouth and pressed closer. My legs were starting to shake a little from being spread around his and I carefully lowered myself, pulling his face with me.

I pulled back with surprise when I felt something rising between my legs. I glanced down and my face flared up when I saw the culprit.

"I'm not apologizing," Jake muttered, kissing me again. He pulled me closer, rubbing me against him. A small shudder went through his body and he groaned. "Damn, this is the best fucking memory ever."

I grinned and sat back a little, my arms still around his neck. "You think this is something you can use?"

He rubbed his hands up and down my sides. "Oh definitely." He grinned at me and leaned forward, kissing me again. "We could make it better, you know."

I sighed and got up. Moment ruined. "No, Jake. I'm not having sex with you in the garage you recently ripped to shreds."

"We could go inside," he offered. I gave him a look and he shrugged. "I'm just making suggestions."

I sat back next to him, resting my head on his shoulder. "You make things difficult, you know? How am I supposed to explain to Charlie why I'm out here all the time?"

"Just tell him we're dating."

"Jake."

"Tell him you're tutoring me."

"Not likely. I'm barely passing myself, thanks in no small way to you."

He chuckled. "Then I've got nothing."

I played with a strand of hair while we sat in silence. "Hey, what's been going on with Jared anyway? Why's he being such a douche?"

"Are you trying to piss me off?"

I grinned. "Maybe a little. Mostly I'm just curious why you keep letting him get to you."

He was silent, scowling at the floor. "He just says things that piss me off, that's all."

"Like?" I poked him lightly in the side. "You can tell me. I can handle it. You need to talk through some stuff or it'll just bottle up. Maybe that's part of your problem."

He rolled his eyes. "I hate you a little."

"Seems fair. I hate you a little, too."

He rubbed his head. "Jared likes to point out that you're basically my crutch. He thinks it's stupid that I still need you to phase back and says a real Alpha wouldn't need a little girl to help him."

I wasn't sure what to address first: the Alpha comment or the little girl comment. I opted for myself. "I'm not a little girl," I said indignantly. "I'm 18 years old. That's a grown ass woman."

Jake laughed. "You're little in size, though."

It was my turn to frown. "Asshat."

He sighed softly. "It just gets to me because its true and it frustrates the hell out of me that I can't do this without you."

I rubbed his arm soothingly. "You can, you just have to focus on other things than how angry Jared makes you."

He shrugged non-committally. "Maybe. I'll try anyway." He flashed a grin at me. "I've got something to focus on now."

"So what's up with the Alpha thing?"

"Oh that. I'm the natural Alpha for the pack. I've got the strongest bloodlines and all that. Sam's the Alpha because he phased first and he's older and in control. I'm not because of all those things, but if I ever decided I wanted to be, I could."

"That's kind of cool," I was impressed. Little Jake, leader of the pack. I snorted in laughter, thinking of the song from the 50's.

Jake quirked an eyebrow at me. "Something I said?"

I shook my head and grinned at him. "No, just remembering a song I heard about a girl falling for the leader of the pack."

"Are you falling for me yet?"

I grinned. "Well, of course. You're the leader. I can't resist the leader."

He grinned and pulled me back on to his lap, picking up where we'd left off. I pulled back after a minute and grinned at him. "You know, technically you're not the leader. I should be making out with Sam."

"Shut up," he laughed, pulling me back against him.

We would have lost ourselves in the moment if it weren't for the sound of a car door slamming shattering the quiet around us. I quickly scrambled off Jake's lap and back to my seat beside him.

"Hey kids."

We both jumped as Charlie appeared in the doorway of the garage. Jake quickly lifted his leg up onto the seat to hide the hard that had reappeared.

"Hey. I thought you weren't coming until later." I was surprised to see him here so soon. We hadn't been out here that long had we? I was relieved we'd heard him. Not only would I be beyond humiliated being walked in on by a dad while kissing and grinding against Jake, I really didn't want to explain the reasoning behind everything.

"I thought I'd come out here and hang out with Billy a little. I haven't seen him in a while."

I nodded. "He's inside. We're just hanging out."

Charlie surveyed the nearly demolished garage with a raised eyebrow. "What happened?"

Jake and I exchanged glances. "Um…bear."

Charlie's jaw dropped. "A bear?"

I elbowed Jake, swallowing hard against the laughter that threatened to explode out of my chest.

"Yeah, a bear somehow got shut up in here and he wrecked the place before he got out." Jake said it so matter-of-factly that if I hadn't actually seen him demolish it with my own eyes, I might have believed him.

Charlie stared at Jake for a beat. "A bear," he repeated.

"Yeah, Dad, a bear. I think Billy's watching a game, go say hi."

Charlie looked around the garage. He walked over and studied the claw marks on one wall, forcing Jake to lift his other leg up and wrap his arms loosely around his knees. I snickered into my hands as I copied his position.

"Big bear," Charlie said finally, turning to us.

I nodded. "It was gone by the time I got here, so don't worry about that."

Charlie nodded and wandered back towards the house, looking a little dazed and confused. When I heard the door shut behind him I turned to Jake and smacked his bare chest.

"A bear?" I snorted, doubling over in laughter. "You reached up your ass and came out with a bear?"

He shrugged and put his legs back down. He was still standing proud, though not as proud as earlier. "I had to say something. He asked. I knew we should have shut the garage doors."

I was still laughing when I stood up to head into the house. "Should I tell them you'll be a little while?" I teased, gesturing to his crotch.

He made a face at me. "I'll be fine. Give me a moment." He closed his eyes and furrowed his brow, clearly thinking hard about anything and everything that wasn't arousing.

I studied him while he worked on deboning. Knowing that my dream had been real changed some things. He was just as beautiful now as he had been that night, even with his face screwed up ridiculously. I reached over automatically and smoothed his spiky hair back from his face. He didn't open his eyes, though his face relaxed some. I snuck a glance down and grinned to see he was returned to normal.

He stood up and smiled triumphantly. "Done. Let's go eat."

"What do you think about?" I asked curiously as we walked hand in hand towards the house.

"Ok, you can't tell anyone this, but this always helps when I get excited at awkward moments."

I raised my eyebrows and looked up at him. He paused at the foot of the stairs and looked down at me.

"When I was a kid, I walked in on my grandparents having sex. Totally freaked me out. So whenever I need to, I just remember the wrinkled…"

"Got it," I interrupted. I didn't want that image in my head.

He grinned. "Bells?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for the happy memory."

I grinned. "You're completely welcome." I stood up on my toes and pulled him down to give him a quick kiss on the cheek before heading inside.

Later that night I went over everything in my head. The fact that the…encounter with Jake had been real unnerved me. I'd been completely willing to have sex with him when I thought it was a dream. I hadn't minded his hands wandering over my body. I'd actually wanted more of it, if I was going to be completely honest with myself.

What did that mean about me? I wondered. I pined away for Edward like some emo bitch for three months and yet here I was wanting to screw my best friend. Incredibly frustrating and annoying, the emotions of teenagers. Really, just _being_ a teenager was annoying and frustrating.

I rolled over and studied the window for a minute, the main thoroughfare in and out of my bedroom. Edward had used it practically every night for something like 7 months and apparently Jake was now able to use it. I wondered if he sat in the tree outside the window. I crawled out of the bed and walked over to the window hesitantly. I stared at the simple white curtains that had been here for as long as I could remember, almost afraid to push them aside and see what was on the other side.

I took a deep breath and did it. There was nothing there. The branches waved in the breeze, but they were empty of any mythical creatures. I realized with a start that I was disappointed. I kind of wanted Jake to be there. I wanted him to crawl into bed with me and pick up where he left off.

I crawled back into bed and curled around my pillow. I stared into the darkness, unable to sleep. I loved Jake. I didn't just love him like a friend, but I really loved him. I wasn't sure when I'd first really realized it, it just came on slowly, day by day, moment by moment, naked werewolf hug by naked werewolf hug. I knew he loved me back like that and it pained me that I didn't have a whole heart to give him. Maybe I didn't love him enough to just abandon all thoughts of Edward, because I still remembered him at inopportune times. I still loved Edward.

This was awkward, loving two guys at the same time. It shouldn't be, though. It should be as simple as who did I love more or, in the event I couldn't figure that out, who wanted me. Edward didn't, Jake did, end of discussion, right? Wrong. I was still in love with Edward Cullen, the rat fink. Until I was over him, I couldn't completely lose myself to Jake. The only problem was, how was I supposed to get over Edward when practically everything around me reminded me of him? I had to figure this out soon or I was going to lose my fucking mind.

***

Tali: So, I had fun writing this. Hope you had fun reading it. It was probably one of the easiest chapters in this story, for whatever reason. Thanks for reviews!


	8. Chapter 7

I frowned at myself in the mirror. I hated make-up and doing anything to my hair other than pulling it out of my face but apparently I needed to do all of that for high school graduation. It was stupid. I didn't even want to walk across the stage, but Renee and Phil had sent a video camera for Charlie to record it since they couldn't come so I couldn't get out of it.

I clipped the top part of my hair back with a simple gold clip and brushed on some mascara and lip gloss. That'd have to do; I wasn't going to break out the stuff that Alice had forced on me.

"Bella!" called Charlie. "We're gonna be late."

I rolled my eyes at my reflection and headed downstairs. I grabbed a white sweater to wear over my dress, annoyed Renee had sent this too. I was sure it was the height of Florida fashion, but hot pink, strapless, and slinky were not me. My only solace was that the dress would be covered by the hideous plastic like robes. I was wearing black tennis shoes with it out of spite. I was shoving my arms into the sleeves when the phone rang. I grabbed it before Charlie dragged me out the door.

"Hello?"

"Bella, its Billy."

I sighed. "No. I'm not coming. I'm graduating in 30 minutes, Billy."

"Good for you. Any hints?"

"Tell him to breath and think happy thoughts."

"Think happy thoughts?"

I grinned. "He'll understand. I'll talk to you later."

"Sure sure. Congratulations, Bella."

"Thanks, Billy." I hung the phone back up and smiled at Charlie. "Let's get this show on the road. This dress isn't going to burn itself."

Charlie grinned. "I think you look nice," he offered.

I rolled my eyes. "I look like something someone threw up on after drinking an entire bottle of Pepto-Bismol."

Charlie laughed and pulled me into a hug. "Come on; let's get going before we miss the whole thing."

I rolled my eyes and followed him out to the cruiser.

All through the ceremony I kept thinking over what I needed to do about Jake and Edward. I was so distracted I almost missed when it was my row's turn to get up and cross the stage.

"Isabella Marie Swan," called the announcer. I pasted a huge fake smile on for the cameras and headed across, praying I wouldn't trip.

I made it back to my seat safely enough and went back to my musing. I was surrounded by excited whispers as my classmates talked about their summer plans and fall destinations. I didn't have either. I'd missed the deadline for fall enrollment. Charlie was quick to point out that I could always start in the spring or next year even if I wanted to take some time off. First I had to figure out what I wanted.

Did I want to go to school? No, not really. I'd agreed to go with Edward, but I hadn't really expected to be there long before he turned me so I hadn't really picked a major. I hated kids who went off to college just to have a good time. It would be cheaper to just move to a college town and get a job and have fun that way.

So getting a job was my alternative to going to school. I didn't want to stay in Forks. My only real jobs options here were Newton's and the grocery store. Newton's had Mike, and the grocery store was where dreams went to die.

I headed back to the cruiser to meet up with Charlie when the ceremony was over. He pulled me into an excited hug. I hugged him back. This was strange for us, but I could work with it.

"I'm so proud of you, Bella," Charlie said, his voice husky.

I felt tears of my own spring to my eyes. "Thanks, Dad."

We climbed into the cruiser and headed for home. That was all that needed to be said. Charlie had given me my graduation present that morning, a check for $100. It wasn't much, but I knew it came from the heart. He was afraid to buy me something I'd hate.

"Would you like to go someplace nice for dinner tonight?"

I shrugged. "Anywhere is fine if I'm not cooking."

Charlie laughed. "Why don't you invite the Blacks? We'll hit the nicest place in town: the diner."

I laughed. "Sounds perfect."

When we got back to the house, I grabbed the phone and called the Blacks. Billy answered on the third ring.

"Hello?"

"Did he manage ok?"

He chuckled softly. "Yeah. The breathing didn't help much, but the happy thought did."

I grinned. "Great. See, he doesn't need me after all." I felt a little pang as I thought about that. Jake didn't need me anymore. "Are you and Jake up to going out to dinner with me and Dad? We're just going to the diner here in town, but we'd love it if you could join us."

"Sounds good. What time?"

I checked the clock in the kitchen. "Can you just head this way? All I've got to do is change."

"I think we can manage that. See you in a little while."

I hung up and headed upstairs to change. "They're on their way," I told Charlie as I passed through the living room.

He nodded without looking up from his game.

I pulled the horrible pink number off and draped it over the desk chair. I pulled on a bra and some regular clothes: jeans and a long sleeved shirt. I grabbed my jacket and pulled that on, too as I headed back downstairs. I settled on the couch and watched with Charlie until we heard the Rabbit pull up. Charlie stood up and clicked off the TV and we headed out to meet them so Billy didn't have to be moved around more than necessary.

Jake grinned at me as he climbed out of the car. He came around the front of it quickly and scooped me up, twirling me around excitedly. "We did it," he crowed. I laughed and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him impulsively. I didn't really care that our dads were watching. Charlie was probably about to have a heart attack, but I was sure Billy was loving it.

Jake set me down, his face still split in two with his grin. "I did it twice, Bella," he grinned at me.

I beamed up at him. "I knew you could."

Charlie and I piled into the backseat of the Rabbit and Jake set off for the diner.

"So how was the ceremony?" asked Billy, turning in his seat to look at me.

"It was long and boring," I grinned at him. "I'm so glad it's over."

"I've got a video of it. We can watch while we wait for our food."

I looked at Charlie with surprise. "You brought the camera with you?"

He nodded. "Sure. I thought they might be interested in seeing and we might have a bit of a wait at the restaurant."

I rolled my eyes. "Jake, when you see it, not a word."

"What am I going to have words about?"

"You'll know. And you're not to verbalize a single one or I'll hurt you."

He grinned at me in the rearview mirror as he pulled into the parking lot at the diner. We piled out and stood in line. Charlie was right: there was a wait. Charlie cued up the video and handed it to Billy. The three of us bent over to watch.

Charlie had zoomed in on me standing around waiting for my robes with everyone else. I looked extremely bored. Jake started sniggering when he saw my dress so I elbowed him in the side.

"Shut it."

The video cut out and came back on me sitting in the crowd. I wasn't so bored looking this time, but it was pretty obvious I wasn't paying attention when the girl next to me nudged me to get up and follow the others up to the stage. Jake squeezed my hand when they called my name and I walked across. I was relieved to notice that my smile didn't look obviously fake. The video cut out when we all tossed our hats.

"It's like I was really there," Billy grinned, handing the video camera back to Charlie who turned it off and slipped it in his pocket. He turned to me. "Congratulations Bella. You looked beautiful. Not that you don't look nice now," he added quickly.

I laughed. "I get what you mean. Thanks Billy."

"We have a gift for you," he said as we started towards a table finally.

"Oh." I was touched. "You didn't have to."

"No, we wanted to. Jake did all the hard work." He winked at Jake who grinned at me as he slid into the chair beside me. "Go ahead and give it to her son."

Jake reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a small clumsily wrapped box. He handed it to me and all three men looked at me expectantly. I hated this, being the center of attention. I rolled my eyes and tore the paper off quickly. There was a small white box underneath the gold paper and I opened it carefully. I gasped when I saw what was inside.

It was a beautifully carved wolf dangling from a silver bracelet. I carefully lifted it up, like maybe it was incredibly fragile.

"It's beautiful," I breathed, looking up at Jake with a smile.

He grinned and took it from me, undoing the tiny clasp. I was amazed his huge hands could manage such a delicate task. He carefully fastened the bracelet around my wrist. "So you like it?"

"I love it." I grinned up at him.

"Good. I nicked my fingers a lot doing that thing."

"You carved this?" I asked in surprise.

He nodded proudly. "Yeah. It was a pain, but totally worth it." He leaned forward, momentarily forgetting we were in a crowded restaurant at a table with our fathers and kissed my neck.

I blushed like crazy and moved away from him slightly. He grinned at me and sat back in his seat. Charlie and Billy were regarding us with mixed expressions. Excitement was the most prevalent one.

Dinner was pretty enjoyable and after, Billy and Jake dropped us off before heading back to the res. Charlie and I headed inside.

"Dad, can we talk for a second?" I asked, fiddling with the bracelet as he lowered himself into his chair.

He looked up at me with surprise. "Sure, Bella. What's up?"

"I want to leave Forks." I said it bluntly, not sure how else to say it.

He regarded me for a moment. "Ok. Where do you want to go?"

"I'm thinking I'll spend some time with Renee. Maybe the whole summer."

He nodded. "And then?"

I was quiet, rubbing the wolf. "I don't really want to go to school," I admitted. "Not until I know what I want to do, anyway. I thought I'd go somewhere and get a job."

He was quiet. "I'll miss you."

I smiled. "I'll come visit. I'm not leaving forever, I just need to figure out what I'm doing, who I am, you know?"

He nodded. "When do you want to leave?"

I chewed on my lip. "Sooner rather than later. Maybe next weekend?"

"Alright. You want me to make the arrangements?"

I shook my head. "I'll do it. I need to call Renee anyway."

"Let me know if you need anything from me."

"I will. Thanks, Dad."


	9. Chapter 8

What I own: a ridiculously complicated mp3 player my MIL couldn't figure out for the life of her so I got for free. What I don't own: SM's characters.

"So, when were you planning on telling me that you're leaving?"

I jumped and turned to see Jake filling the doorframe. "Hello to you, too."

He raised his eyebrows. His arms were crossed over his chest and he looked angry. REALLY angry. Like, on the verge of vibrating into a giant wolf angry.

I sighed. "I didn't want to tell you because of how you're acting right this second. You're about to phase and rip my house to shreds."

"So, what, you were just going to call me from Florida or something?"

"No, I was going to tell you before I left." His eyes flicked to the half full suitcase on my bed. "Ok, so RIGHT before I left."

"And you didn't think I'd get angry about that?"

"I didn't really think about it," I admitted.

He took a couple of deep breaths then nodded. "So how long will you be gone?"

I chewed on my lip, not sure how to tell him.

"Bella, spit it out. I can handle it."

I eyed him skeptically. "Sure you can. Hey, let's go for a walk in the woods."

He rolled his eyes. "So it's a while. I can deal. How long is a while?"

"I'm not coming back, Jake."

His eyes darkened and he started to shake. I moved forward quickly, wrapping my arms around him and breathing deeply. He grabbed on to me and held me tightly, breathing with me. After a long minute, he was calm. I looked up at him carefully.

"I guess I should have added 'to stay.'"

He rolled his eyes. "No, I need to figure out how to handle stuff that pisses me off." He released me and I stepped away from him hesitantly. "Ok, tell me everything."

I motioned to the rocking chair in the corner. He begrudgingly took a seat and looked at me expectantly. I sat on my bed with my legs crossed Indian style and studied him. "I'm going to spend the summer with Mom in Florida. I haven't seen her in a long time. Then I'm going to go somewhere and get a job or go to school or something."

"Why can't you do that closer to home?"

"Because there are too many bad memories here, Jake. You're a lot of good ones," I added quickly, "but there are still a lot of bad ones."

Jake nodded, staring at the floor. "So, because he's an ass, you're leaving me. Seems fair enough. What am I supposed to do without you? I still need you a lot of the time when I phase."

"Stop it Jake. I won't let you make me feel guilty. I'm not some plaything for you to manipulate. Besides, you haven't needed me for a whole week."

He scowled fiercely at the floor but managed to remain calm. "Fine."

"You said it yourself; you need to learn to calm yourself without me. I won't always be around."

"If you'd just fall in love with me already you could be."

I frowned at him. "Jake."

"Sorry."

We sat in silence for a while. "So when do you leave?" he asked finally.

"Friday morning."

"So I've got just tonight and tomorrow to convince you to come back to stay."

I rolled my eyes. "It won't work, but you're welcome to try."

He grinned. "Never give me a challenge you don't want me to actually take." He stood up and rubbed his palms against his shorts. "I'm going to go now. I've got some planning to do."

"Plotting my demise, eh?" I winked at him as he passed me.

"Hell yes." He leaned over and kissed the top of my head before disappearing out the door.

Less than an hour later the phone rang. Charlie was working so I hurried downstairs to get it.

"Hello?" I said breathlessly.

"Hey Bella. Were you masturbating or something?"

"Jake!" I exclaimed. "What the hell?"

He laughed. "You're out of breath. I just assumed I caught you at the right moment."

"I just ran down the stairs. You know, if this is your way of persuading me to stay it really sucks."

He snickered. "No, I'm coming to get you for dinner. We're having a bonfire and Emily's cooking. You're my date."

"Jake…"

"Ok, fine. I'm your escort. Whatever. Be ready by 5."

The line went dead in my ear. I scowled at the phone but put it back in the cradle and headed upstairs. I was pretty much done packing. I'd just need to add my toiletries after my shower on Friday. I grabbed my camera and stuffed it into my purse before pulling on a warm sweater and jeans.

Promptly at 5, Jake pulled up in the rabbit. I called goodbye to Charlie and headed down. Jake grinned up at me as I climbed into the car.

"You look nice."

"Thanks. You don't look so bad yourself," I grinned back at him. He was wearing dark jeans and a black t-shirt that perfectly molded to his chest.

We made small talk all the way out to La Push. He parked at his house and I dropped my purse off inside, retrieving my camera before we set out for the beach. The wind had picked up and it was cooler down here than usual. The bonfire had already been started and I could smell meat cooking.

The others grinned at me, passing me around for hugs like a teddy bear. I laughed and pulled out the camera and started snapping pictures. I wanted to remember this and all the guys. They all mugged for the camera, pulling faces and posing in silly ways for me. I finally grabbed a seat on my and Jake's log. He trotted over with two plates piled high with food a few minutes later.

"Ok, part one of what you'll miss out on if you don't come back to stay," he began as he settled himself next to me. "The pack, the bonfires, Emily's cooking, the moonlight on the ocean." He looked down at me hopefully.

I smiled. "There's ocean in Florida and I'm sure somebody does bonfires there, too."

"But you won't have the pack or Emily," he pointed out.

I laughed. "No, but I can cook pretty well in my own right and I can make new friends."

He made a face but kept eating.

It was a great night. Billy and the other elders told stories that were so much more meaningful now that I knew they were real. I took pictures of it all for awhile until I got tired. Then I snuggled back against Jake and listened attentively. He hadn't mentioned the story telling. I'd miss this, too.

After the fire had burned down and the pack had put the fire out, dousing the last of the coals with some water and kicking sand over it for good measure, Jake and I set off for his house, hand in hand. I pulled him towards my truck.

"Aw, come on Bells, just stay tonight."

I shook my head. "No Jake, I know why you want me to stay and I'm not doing that."

He pouted. "Well, did I at least convince you to stay?"

"No, I'm still leaving on Friday."

"Fine. Part two is tomorrow. Be here at noon." He leaned down to kiss me but I turned at the last minute and he got my cheek. He sighed softly but helped me into the truck, carefully shutting it behind me.

I was thoughtful on the ride home. I did love Jake, I knew that, just not in the way he wanted me to. I hated that about myself. I was still so hung up on someone who didn't even want me anymore that I couldn't accept what was right in front of me. Edward had been ice and sophistication and wealth. I'd always felt somewhat on guard around him, afraid he'd lose it and kill me. He'd thrown me away like so much trash. Jake was fire and laughter and comfort. I knew if he lost it, I'd be the one to calm him down, that he'd hurt himself before he hurt me. He loved me and prized me and wanted me. It was all a big headache.

Charlie was already in bed when I got home, so I trudged upstairs and collapsed into bed, falling asleep almost instantly. I was more tired than I'd realized.

The next morning I slept later than I intended. I showered and pulled on jeans and a sweater before I headed downstairs for breakfast. Charlie was already gone so I decided to go ahead and head out to La Push.

When I got there, Jake, Quil and Embry were working in the garage. They looked up, expressions of pleased surprise when I pulled in. I grinned and climbed down.

"Hey guys."

"You missed me so bad you came out here an hour early," said Jake smugly. "How are you going to handle being at the opposite end of the country from me?"

I rolled my eyes. "I'm getting my Jake fix now so I can stand to be so far away."

"Whatever. Come one, we're going to part two." He grabbed my hand and we started walking.

"What's part two?" I asked curiously, waving awkwardly over my shoulder at Quil and Embry.

"Cliff diving."

A huge grin split my face. I was starting to love Jake trying to convince me to stay.

We got to the top of the cliffs and stripped down. I didn't have a camisole on today, so it was just a bra and panties while Jake had on shorts. I pushed him slightly when I caught him ogling me out of the corner of my eye. "Enough already. You've seen it all before."

"Yeah, but not as often as I'd like to."

"Are you going to jump Nancy-boy?" I laughed.

He grinned and backed up with me. We took a running leap off the cliffs, hands tightly held.

We jumped a few more times, the rush never getting old, before we pulled our clothes back on and headed back to his house. Or at least that's what I thought. We ended up in the small area where Jake had been teaching me to ride the motorcycles.

"Part three," he said with a grin, handing me my helmet.

I grinned back and pulled it on, climbing on my bike and taking off before Jake had a chance to get on his. That was the only way I'd beat him in a race.

We rode for a while before heading back to the house for real. We parked the bikes in the garage and headed inside for food. We were both ravenous after the jumping, swimming and riding.

It was getting late, so I fixed dinner for the three of us, much to Billy's protestations. They were weak, but he at least tried to stop me. I would miss cooking for them almost as much as they'd miss me cooking.

We sat and talked after dinner about nothing in particular for hours. I checked my watch and stood up.

"I should probably get going," I said regretfully. "I've got an early flight tomorrow and it's already midnight."

Billy pulled me down into a hug. "Take care of yourself in Florida," he said affectionately.

I smiled back at him, tears in my eyes. "I will. You take care of Jake here. You know what a delicate flower he is."

He chuckled softly and shooed us out of the kitchen. Jake walked me to the door and then stopped me.

"I want to show you something," he said suddenly. He took my hand and pulled me behind him into his room. "Ok, so don't get all weird on me, but I want to play a song for you."

I raised my eyebrows and settled on the bed, tucking my feet up underneath me. "A song? Are you going to play it on a recorder or something?"

He turned to me and I could see he was nervous. "No. It's a cd. I borrowed it from Embry. It's basically some things I've been trying to figure out how to say to you, so just listen, ok?"

I nodded, all humor gone from the situation. He pushed play and then stood there awkwardly before finally sitting down at the tiny desk in the corner. I listened as a guitar started strumming, filling the empty room with a pretty melody. A male voice started singing, talking about wrapping up in blankets and being cold. I frowned, not really getting it but then the next verse kicked in and my eyes widened.

_Cause I was born to tell you I love you_ and a minute later the lyrics _Just because you were hurt doesn't mean you shouldn't bleed. I can be anyone, anything. I promise I can be what you need. _

I stared at Jake, speechless. "Jake," I began but he held up his hand.

"Just let the song play, Bells."

I sat in silence, letting the music wash over me. I felt tears pricking my eyes. Jake really, really loved me and I was treating him like shit. I was deserting him in the morning because I was too damn selfish to stay for him. He needed me and I was abandoning him. I was no better than Edward. I wiped at the tears, angry with myself. I looked up at Jake and he was watching me carefully.

The song faded and we sat in silence. "So, yeah. I love you Bella, more than you realize probably."

I nodded and hiccupped slightly. "I love you, too Jake."

I stood up and crossed the room to him hesitantly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and settled in his lap. I pressed my face against his neck, still crying. "I'm sorry it's not the same way."

His arms wrapped around me tightly and I felt him kiss my head. We sat like that for a moment, then I lifted my face to look at him. "How long?"

He smiled. "Since forever. We have a forever kind of love Bella, you just haven't figured it out yet."

He leaned in then and I didn't turn away. Even though I knew I shouldn't, I let him kiss me. It was so warm and soft and perfect I didn't want it to end and when it did, I pulled him back for another one.

"Stay tonight," he said softly, resting his forehead on mine.

I looked up at him. "I don't feel that way about you Jake."

"You do, you just won't admit it to yourself. Please stay."

My heart was pounding out of my chest, begging to stay while my brain was … well, my brain was apparently MIA because I nodded and he kissed me again. He stood up, holding me tightly against his chest and carried me over to the small bed. He stood me up beside it and gently tugged on the hem of my sweater. I smiled and pulled it off. He pulled his shirt off and dropped it on the floor next to mine. I ran my hands up his chest shyly. He grinned and pulled me back against him for another kiss. I knew I was going to regret this later but at the moment, I didn't give a shit.

I held on to his neck as he palmed my bare back, leaving fire wherever he touched. His hand slid up and pulled my bra strap down, kissing my bare shoulder. I sighed into his hair, combing my fingers through its silkiness.

Somehow I missed it and I was suddenly bare-chested against Jake. Every point of contact felt like it was on fire and yet I wanted more. My hands went clumsily to the top of his jeans and I tugged on them as he tugged on mine at the same time. We shoved each others' pants down and leaned against each other. We were still standing and I took a tentative step backwards. My knees bumped into the edge of the bed and I fell, looking up at Jake. He grinned and leaned down, resting a hand on either side of my body as he kissed me.

I'd seen Jake naked a dozen times, so that wasn't weird for me. It was weird that he was seeing me naked. I felt a flush creep over my face and chest as he stepped back and studied me.

"Fuck Bella, you're so beautiful."

I smiled up at him. "So are you."

He grinned and turned me carefully on the bed so I was laying on it the correct way. He carefully climbed on top of me, kissing me lightly. I loved the weight of him on me. It was comforting and made me feel safe. I could hear the rain starting to fall against the windows and roof and it only added to the feeling of security being in Jake's arms created.

"Do you want me to…do stuff?" he asked uncertainly, shy in the moment of actuality.

I flushed again. "I don't know. Do what feels right for you and I'll let you know."

He nodded and kissed me again. He moved a hand down between my legs and started to rub gently. I bucked against him, startled at the foreign touch. He grinned at me and moved his hand harder against me, slipping a finger inside slowly.

"Shit," I hissed.

His grin widened and he kept moving it. "I'm not sure I can hold out very long myself, Bella."

"Then do me, Jake," I panted.

He sat back then and gently took my thighs in his hands and moved my legs up, spreading them to give himself easier entrance. My stomach flipped with anticipation.

I refused to look down, sure that actually seeing Jake naked and aroused would make me lose my courage and not go through with this. I felt him tickling against me and then slowly sliding into me. His arms were on either side of my shoulders and I rolled my hips slightly to help with the angle.

I sucked in my breath when the pain hit. He was still for a moment, his breathing ragged.

"Bella?"

"Give me a sec," I grunted, carefully wrapping my legs around his waist. This didn't hurt so much. I reached up and put my hands on his biceps and nodded, not trusting my voice.

He moved against me slowly. It felt like I was ripping on the inside but after a moment, the pain subsided and it was just us, moving together. Jake filled me completely, his heat on me and around me and inside me. He shuddered on top of me, groaning softly, ever mindful of the fact that Billy was somewhere in the house.

He eased himself down beside me on the bed and looked at me with concern. "Are you ok?"

I nodded, still not trusting my voice. Even though he wasn't, I could still feel him inside of me, stretching and pulling and tearing ever so slightly. He reached over and carefully wiped traitorous tears that leaked from my eyes.

"I'm sorry you're hurt, but I'm glad it was me."

I smiled up at him. "I'm glad it was you, too." I reached over and ruffled his shaggy hair. He leaned closer to me and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and breathed in the scent that was both of us combined. I snuggled closer to him, carefully hooking my knee over his hip and resting my forehead in the nook of his shoulder and neck. He stroked my hair gently. It was soothing and I was exhausted so I quickly fell asleep.

The next morning, I woke up slowly, snuggled up against Jake's naked body. I felt my face crumple as I realized what I'd done. I carefully extracted myself from his embrace, wincing slightly as I did so. I still hurt and I could still feel him inside of me. I pulled my jeans and sweater on, looking frantically for my bra and panties. I found my bra and stuffed it into my purse but no panties. Damn Jake and his messy room.

I checked my watch and swore under my breath. I'd have just barely enough time to get home and shower before I had to leave for the airport.

I tiptoed out of the room, not looking back. If I did, then I'd cry or stay and I couldn't do either. I had to stick to the plan. If I did, if I was successful in getting over Edward, then maybe someday I'd be worthy of Jake. I couldn't do that here, though. I needed to get away from all the reminders. I needed to be on my own for a little while.

I could hear rustling in the kitchen so I quickly and quietly let myself out. My truck roared to life, so I knew that Billy at least knew I was leaving early but I hoped Jake would sleep through it. I couldn't stand the thought of a "morning after" conversation.

Halfway home, I pulled the truck over. I was crying so hard I couldn't see. I rested my forehead against the steering wheel. My heart was breaking all over again. Jake had managed to somehow put some of the pieces back together after Edward stomped on it and here I was, stomping on it myself.

"What have I done?" I sobbed out loud to no one in particular.

I finally pulled myself together and kept going. I got to the house and pulled into my spot. I could see a light on in the kitchen so I knew Charlie was up. He looked out the window on the door curiously and I felt my face turn red with shame.

"Bella?" he said with surprise as I came in, hoping he wouldn't notice that my bra was stuffed into my purse. "I thought you were upstairs."

"I fell asleep at the Blacks," I said honestly. "I just woke up a little while ago. Sorry."

"Oh." He looked conflicted. He studied me for a moment and I cringed, hoping "I had sex" wasn't written across my face. "Well, you'd better hurry. We've got just enough time to get there before your flight."

I nodded and headed upstairs. I showered quickly and changed, leaving my jeans and sweater in a heap on the floor in my closet. I didn't want to look at them, the evidence of my shame, so I closed the closet door on them. I stuffed the last few things into my suitcase and dragged it downstairs. Charlie wordlessly loaded it into the cruiser and we climbed in. I could hear the phone ringing in the house as he pulled out of the driveway and I knew it was Jake calling but I didn't say anything. I was silent the entire drive to SeaTac airport. I kept going over in my head what a bitch I was being and how I'd ruined the only relationship worth anything in my life with one idiotic night.

Charlie hugged me at the airport. "You want me to stay until your plane leaves?"

I shook my head. "No, I'm fine, Dad."

He nodded and studied me. "Are you sure about this? You know you're always welcome here."

"I know. I just need to fix the crap in my head. Get Edward out of it, you know?"

He nodded and pulled me back into another hug. He kissed me affectionately and released me. He did stay and watch until I was through security. He waved and then headed out to the car for the long drive home. I watched him go, a pang of sadness making my chest ache. I really did love him. I'd most definitely miss him more than I realized.

I took a deep breath and hitched my bag up on my shoulder and went to wait for my flight. For once, I was glad I didn't have a cell phone. If I did, Jake would be calling me I was sure.

There wasn't a long wait and before too long, I was in the plane, bracing myself for the take off. I hated take off and landing.

"Nervous?"

I turned and managed a smile at the cute blond guy sitting next to me. "Yeah. Take off and landing are the worst."

He chuckled. "Well, we did ok. We're up now. No accidents."

I grinned back and released my death grip on the arm rest. "Bella Swan," I said impulsively. If I was going to try to get over Edward, why not start now?

"Jake Cunningham." He shook my hand while I stared at him in shock. Just my luck.

***

Tali: So, this was going to be the end but Jake and Bella had something else in mind. Plus, I figured people might start to hate me if I just stopped here...and really, who wants to be hated? Stay tuned...;-)


	10. Chapter 9

What I have: Jake Cunningham, the guy everyone hates

What I don't have: A publishing deal for a series called "Twilight." Rats.

"Bella are you sure you don't want to stay longer?" Renee asked me anxiously.

I nodded. "Yeah, now that I know what I want to do, I want to just do it."

She nodded and smoothed my hair. "You just got here last month, though. We haven't had hardly any time together."

I rolled my eyes. "Mom, you took me shopping and got me a whole new wardrobe, I've let you take me for a spa day twice. I just…need to be myself for a while, by myself."

She sighed and played with my new shorter hair style. "I'll miss you."

I smiled and hugged her. "You can come visit. I'll be living in your house anyway."

"You should get some roommates, sweetie. I don't like the idea of you being alone in that house."

I grinned and pulled back. "I'll be fine Mom. I'll take care of everything and let you know how it's going."

She nodded. Phil came up then. "Bella, you need to go on through security or you'll miss your flight."

I nodded and gave him a quick hug. "Thanks for everything Phil. Good luck."

He grinned. "Thanks, Bella."

I grabbed my bags and headed off.

I missed Jake like crazy but I wouldn't let myself call him. I'd asked Charlie not to give Jake my number. He was confused why but agreed. I got tons of emails from Jake, seemingly dozens every day. After about three weeks, I finally responded. I let him know that I was in Florida and that I would call him when I was ready. I hoped that would staunch the flow but it didn't. I still got tons of emails every day but now they weren't as frantic and panicked.

I sat on the plane, relieved to have a window for the flight. I leaned my head against it and closed my eyes. I braced myself against the take off and relaxed slowly. I snuck a glance at my neighbor. It was an older woman with her nose buried in a book. I sighed in relief. No awkward small talk would be expected.

Jake Cunningham had been enough to scare me off trying to meet people on an airplane. We'd gone on a few dates and, to my regret, I'd actually slept with him. He hadn't called after that and I'd been relieved not to have to talk to him anymore. I spent the week after that laying on the beach and forcing myself to start listening to music again. I avoided _Claire de Lune_ but I immersed myself in other classical music and stuff I knew Jake liked. I spent lots of my hard earned money downloading songs and buying CDs, filling my mp3 player with a wide variety of music.

At first, it was strange listening to music again, almost painful. I'd all but given it up completely when Edward left. Gradually, though, the hole in my chest didn't throb as much and I was left with an ache that was manageable.

It was while lying on the beach one afternoon when I finally figured out what I wanted to do. I didn't want to go to school, I'd pretty much known that all along. I wanted to get a job somewhere and just work for a while until my chest didn't ache every time I thought of Edward. I couldn't go back to Forks and it turned out that I hated Florida. The most logical solution was Phoenix since Renee and Phil still had a house there that they rarely visited. A three bedroom, two bathroom house with an in-ground pool.

Charlie had been easier to convince than Renee had been. She was still hoping I'd stay in Florida with them but I wasn't interested in sitting at their tiny apartment by myself or traveling around with them. So, here I was, a couple of weeks later, on my way home to Phoenix.

The plane landed and for the first time in my life, no one was at the airport to greet me. It was strange and at the same time, a huge relief not to have to talk about my flight, my feelings, anything. I grabbed my suitcases and hailed a cab. I gave the cabbie my old address and sat back, watching as Phoenix spread out in front of me, hot and shimmery. It wasn't long before we got to the house. I paid the driver and hauled my things inside.

The house was hotter inside than the outdoors. Renee had called the week before and had the utilities turned back on but apparently the neighbor who was keeping an eye on the house, Betty, hadn't gotten around to turning the a/c on.

I opened all the windows and turned on the ceiling fans, turning the a/c on to about 70. I changed into my suit and went out to inspect the pool.

Betty had kept the pool up, most likely because she used it frequently. I swam a few laps, more to cool off than anything. I climbed out after a little while and dragged a lounge chair over to the shade. I sat for a few minutes playing with the shiny black phone Renee had insisted on getting me. It went with the laptop, the printer and the portable DVD player.

I sighed and punched in Jake's number. I crossed my fingers, hoping he wouldn't answer.

"Hello?"

I nearly dropped the phone. Jake had answered on the first ring. I sat, the oxygen gone from my lungs.

"Hello?" he said again, sounding annoyed.

"Jake," I managed.

There was a long silence. "Bella?"

"Yeah."

"Where are you? Are you ok?"

"I'm fine. I'm in Phoenix."

"Are you mad at me?"

I rested my head against my knees. "No, Jake."

"Then why the fuck haven't you talked to me for the last month?" he demanded angrily. "I thought I'd fucked up or something. Do you know how awful it was to wake up and find you gone?"

I squeezed my eyes, fighting back tears. "I'm so sorry Jake. I just couldn't face you."

He was quiet. "Why not? Were you ashamed?"

"A little," I admitted. "I mean, shit, I deflowered my 16 year old best friend."

"I deflowered you right back. And I don't think you say deflowered for guys."

I rolled my eyes. Trust Jake to find a way to make me smile somewhat. "Well, 'popping your cherry' doesn't work, either. 'Making you a man' seems ridiculous in light of your present size. What would you call it?"

He snickered softly. "I don't know, we gave each other our V-cards?"

I laughed at that. "What the hell?"

"Eh, I couldn't think of anything better."

"Ah, Jake, I miss you."

"I miss you too, Bells." We sat in comfortable quiet for a minute. "So what's the plan then? Are you coming back for a visit anytime soon?"

"I don't know. For now I'm going to get a job here and try to find some roommates. Renee and Charlie don't want me living here alone. Oh, and I'm going to take piano lessons. Maybe self defense, too."

"Wait what? Piano?"

"I need to do something other than work. I've started listening to some classical music and I discovered a couple of really awesome piano pieces I want to learn."

"Do you have any musical abilities?"

"Dunno. I'll let you know."

"So you'll start calling me again?"

I sighed. "Yeah. It's been hell this past month without my best friend. I've missed you like crazy."

"I've missed you too. It was awful since I thought I did something."

"You didn't do anything. You were fine. I'm the one who fucked up."

There was a long silence. "So you regret it."

I cringed. "No, not unless it screwed up our friendship."

"No. you're still my best friend."

I relaxed against the back of the chair. "So how's your summer been?"

He snorted. "Shitty. I haven't left the house unless someone forced me in case you called. Dad finally broke down and bought an answering machine."

I winced. "Sorry."

"It's fine. You'll have to give me your number before you go so I can call and harass you."

I grinned. "Not a problem."

That's what I loved about Jake. Things were so easy with him, I could go silent for a month and then when I called him, there was a small amount of chastisement before we were back to being us again. I figured this must be what most guy-guy relationships were like, where a punch to the shoulder and a "we cool?" "yeah" solved everything. I wished all relationships were like that.

"So how was Florida?" he asked. I could imagine him stretching out in the small bed in his room. The memory of the bed made me cringe again.

"Fine. Hot and humid. I think I prefer my humidity cold and my heat dry."

Jake laughed. "See, you really should come home."

I picked at the black polish on my toes. The only way I'd let Renee force me into a mani-pedi with her was by insisting I got to pick my own color and black seemed to fit my mood and mental status. "Jake, come on. I've got to be on my own for a little while."

"Without me?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, without you."

"How much without me?"

"We can talk and email as much as you want."

"But no visits."

I shrugged. "Not for now anyway."

He was silent. "Are you sure I didn't do something wrong, Bella?" there was so much hurt in his voice I wanted to cry.

"No Jake, you were fine. Perfect, even. I just…you know how you had to figure out how to be a wolf without me? I have to figure out how to be Bella without you."

"Ok." He didn't sound like he bought that explanation. We sat in silence for a bit. "So…perfect, huh?"

I laughed. "Yes, Jake, best I've ever had."

He roared with laughter at that. "Well, I should hope so."

I chewed on my lip. I didn't want to tell him about the other Jake. "So are you going to go do something now that you know I'm ok?"

"Like what?"

"I don't know, date? Hang out with the guys?"

"Date?" his voice sounded strained.

Damn. He thought we were together now. "Yes, date," I said as calmly as I could. "I'm going to date. We need to both get out there and see what other fish are in the sea before we settle for something we think is perfect but isn't."

"I don't want to."

I rolled my eyes. "Well, fine. Hook up then. Whatever. Just get out there and be with people, namely other girls."

Jake was silent. "Why?"

"Because. First love isn't generally the right one. It's clouded by hormones and lust and if it's real, then it'll still be there no matter what shit we go through."

"So, you do love me then."

I smiled. "Yes, Jake. I do love you. I just have to make sure it's not just some rebound thing or something from Edward. I have to make sure it's real."

"What if I already know it's real?"

I felt like I was beating my head against a brick wall. "Well, then awesome for you. I don't and I'm not going to be yours completely until I am. So…deal with that."

He huffed. "Fine. I'll date, but you should know I'm not going to enjoy it."

I grinned. "So don't enjoy it, just do it."

"Bella."

"Jake."

"I love you."

I grinned. "I love you too."

"Don't forget about me."

I rolled my eyes. "I can't. You're a part of me, Jake. You're always close to me, even when you're a thousand miles away."

"I'm just saying. Don't let some Phoenix dickhead make you forget about me."

I laughed. "Not possible."


	11. Chapter 10

"So what are your plans for your 21st birthday? Are you finally coming home?"

I rolled my eyes as I squeezed the phone between my ear and my shoulder. "No, Jake, I'm not coming home. I'm actually going on a little trip with my roommates for a girls' weekend." I stood up and scanned my messy bedroom. I knew I'd pulled out some heels to go with the red dress but I couldn't find them.

"Where are you going?"

I grinned. "Las Vegas."

There was a long silence. "Seriously? You're going to Sin City?"

"Yes. We made the plans last night. Spur of the moment, you know? I think it'll be fun."

"Oh, so that's why I wasn't invited."

I laughed. "Would you go if I did?"

"Yes." He said it immediately. "I haven't seen you in over two years. I'd come to Phoenix if you'd let me."

I stood for a moment, pondering. "Well, then come on. We're getting a suite with two bedrooms. One extra body won't make a difference." I paused, thinking about how big Jake's body was. "Well, a normal body wouldn't. You've stopped growing, right?"

He laughed. "Yeah. I'll just bunk with you. You take up no space anyway."

I rolled my eyes. "Jake, come on. I just got out of a relationship."

"Yeah, so I can be your rebound."

I laughed. "I'm not really looking for a rebound, Jake. I just want to go to Las Vegas and have fun with my friends and not have to think about sex and guys."

"So, I can really come?"

"Provided your dad and the pack let you, yeah. I miss you Jake."

"Yeah, I miss you too." There was another comfortable silence. "So…what are you wearing?"

I laughed. "I'm wearing shorts and a tube top. You?"

"Wait, seriously? A tube top? Can you take a picture and send it to me? That's something I'd like to see."

"I'm going to hang up, Jake," I threatened with a laugh.

"Ok fine. I'm wearing my shorts and a smile."

"Well, the smile is a given since you're talking to me and I'm your favorite person in the whole world."

"Damn straight. Oh, when are you leaving and how long will you be there?"

"We're leaving in the morning and we'll be there all weekend."

"So I need to get on the ball if I'm coming."

"Yep."

"Alright. Let me work my magic and I'll call you later, ok?"

"Ok. Love you, Jake."

"Love you too, Bells."

I hung up and smiled. I missed Jake like you wouldn't believe. I couldn't believe I hadn't seen him since the night before I left for Florida two years ago. Well, the morning after anyway. We still didn't really talk about that night.

I loved my job at the hotel downtown. It was through that that I'd met a couple of my ex-boyfriends and I always had crazy stories to tell Kate and Mandy, my roommates, and Charlie and Renee on our weekly talks. I loved my crazy roommates and how much fun we had together all the time.

I'd finally gotten to the point where I could laugh and joke about Edward to the girls. I'd never heard from him or the Cullens again, making it all seem like some kind of weird hallucination, the product of feverish nightmares or vivid dreams. I still had the small cold scar on my hand from James and the scars on my arm from my horrible 18th birthday, so I knew it was all real, but it wasn't painful to think about anymore.

I shoved the last of my things into my suitcase and checked my watch. I had just enough time to get dressed and get to the hotel before my shift started at 3. I hated that I had to work the PM today but it was the only way I could get three days off in a row. Sometimes my manager was a real bitch.

***

"Bella!"

I turned and felt a huge grin split my face when I saw Jake on the other side of the baggage carousel. "Jake!" I shouted back. I dropped my bags and ran towards him. I jumped up in his arms and wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist, hugging him fiercely. "You made it!"

He laughed. "Yeah, I pretty much told them they couldn't keep me in Forks if you wanted me in Vegas."

He set me down and grinned at me. "You look great, by the way."

I was grinning back at him stupidly. "So do you. You're huge."

He laughed. "Yeah. You should see the others. I'm the biggest one." He looked proud of this fact. I squeezed him again, then pulled him towards my friends.

"Come on," I said excitedly. "I want you to meet the girls."

Kate and Mandy were staring at me with their mouths hanging open. I had to admit, Jake was a fine looking male specimen. Women all around the baggage carousel were turning their heads. I grinned. I loved being around Jake. He was so oblivious to the women eye-fucking him and it was pretty cute.

"Jake, this is Kate and Mandy. Girls, this is Jake."

"Hell-oo, Jake," breathed Kate, leading with her boobs as she stepped forward to shake his hand. I rolled my eyes as I picked my bags back up.

"Hi Kate," Jake grinned at her. This was a grin I hadn't seen before. I could imagine it dropped panties back in La Push. "Nice to meet you." He reached over and took my bag from me. "Thanks for letting me join you on the girls' weekend. I'll try to stay out of your way."

"Oh, feel free to get in our way all you want." Mandy raked her eyes up and down Jake's body. "ALL you want."

"Down girls," I laughed. "Poor little Jake here is a child. He just turned 19."

"He looks all man," Kate grinned.

Jake rolled his eyes. "I'm not looking ladies, so chill out."

Mandy pouted for a moment, then grinned. "Well, it'll be nice to have a big strong man around to keep the creeps away."

We gathered our bags and headed outside. Jake stepped forward and flagged down a taxi. He easily loaded our luggage and we all climbed into the backseat. Jake pulled me on his lap and kissed my bare shoulder.

"I've really missed you," he said softly. His breath tickled my ear and I shivered slightly. I grinned up at him but didn't say anything.

We quickly checked into the hotel and were given the keys to our two bedroom suite. We crowded into an elevator and pushed the button for the 24th floor. I dropped my bags on the floor and wrapped my arms around Jake, leaning against him and breathing in his smell. It was like going home. I sighed and rested my cheek against his chest. I ignored the grins Kate and Mandy gave each other.

The elevator stopped and we piled out. Jake scooped up my bags so I took the key and opened the door for us. Mandy squealed and ran inside, dropping her things on the floor and running from room to room.

"This one is ours," she called from a room to the left off the living room. I rolled my eyes.

"So I guess I'm in the other one," I grinned, heading to the right.

Jake stood uncertainly in the middle of the living room while Kate followed Mandy into the other room. "Where do I go?"

"Oh, right." I paused and looked around. "I don't think you'll fit on the sofa bed. You can have this room and I'll take the couch."

He rolled his eyes. "We can share, Bells. We used to all the time. I can behave."

I looked at him skeptically. "Are you sure?"

He grabbed my hand and pulled me behind him. "I'm sure. God, I'm not just a horny teenage boy anymore." I gave him a look and he rolled his eyes. "OK, not all the time anyway."

I laughed and looked around our room. We had a king sized bed with a flat-screen TV and a big bathroom all to ourselves. The bathroom had a huge garden tub and a separate giant glass shower. The toilet was in a separate room and we had a double marble vanity.

"Damn Bella, can we afford this?"

"Yes, I can. You're not paying Jake. You're here as my guest."

"But it's your birthday," he protested.

"I won't accept your money," I said dismissively.

Mandy stuck her head in then, a huge grin on her face. "You two ready for tonight?"

I nodded. "We're napping right now, though, right?"

She rolled her eyes. "You can nap. We're going to go hit the tables."

I laughed. "Just don't forget the plan. Be back by 8, ok? I'm not coming to look for you."

She grinned. "Will do, Mom." She winked up at Jake. "Keep her out of trouble for me, ok?"

Jake saluted her and headed into the bathroom. I slipped off my shoes and shimmied out of my jeans before crawling into the big bed.

Jake came out a minute later and raised his eyebrows at me. "Getting ready for me, I see."

I gave him the finger. "I was up late last night working. I'm exhausted." I yawned. "Come talk me to sleep." I patted the bed beside me. Jake happily obliged.

"So, how's stuff?" I smiled up at him.

He chuckled softly. "Good, I guess. I graduated. You probably didn't know since you didn't come."

I rolled my eyes. "I tried, I really did, but I had to work. I sent you a card and a gift."

"Yeah, I would much rather have had you there." He reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "I got a job as a mechanic in La Push. It's pretty good money. Quil and Embry are there, too. We're hoping to save up enough to open our own garage someday."

I nodded and smiled up at him. I'd missed talking to him in person. He was so expressive when he talked. He kept going, filling me in on the details of his life. Billy was doing well. He and Charlie went fishing together most weekends. The other wolves were doing well, too. Sam and Emily had a baby on the way, Leah had chilled out a lot and everyone seemed to be pretty happy overall.

"What about you?" he asked when he'd finished talking.

I laughed. "You know it all. I work at the hotel, I hang out with my friends, I'm recently single."

"What happened with Paul, anyway?"

I sighed. "It was stupid. He decided I was too young for him after 3 months of dating so he dumped me."

"Dickhead. Want me to kick his ass?"

I laughed again. "No, it's fine. I didn't love him. It was pretty much just a sexual relationship anyway."

Jake stiffened. We'd never actually come out and admitted to each other that we were having sex, but we both knew about the other. I reached over and squeezed his arm. "Sorry."

He shrugged. "It's fine. I just don't like to think of you with some other guy."

I grinned. "Yeah, I don't like to think about you with some other girl."

"So no more sex talk, unless it's about us having sex."

I swatted at him lightly and sat up. "What time is it?"

"Close to 6. You hungry?"

I nodded. "You?"

He rolled his eyes. "Always. Let's go grab a bite." He climbed out of bed and reached for me, swinging me out from under the covers before I realized what was going on. He grinned at me. "You're not wearing any pants."

"No, I was planning on taking a nap." I pulled away from him and grabbed my jeans, wriggling back into them quickly.

"Hey, what was that?" he asked, leaning over and pulling up my shirt.

I grinned and lowered my waistband. "It's a tattoo. I thought I told you about that."

"Uh, no. What is it?" he frowned and leaned closer.

I shifted so the sunlight from the window fell more fully on the tattoo on my hip. He studied it for a moment, then stood up and grinned at me. "A howling wolf. Suits you."

I chuckled and readjusted my clothing. I stuffed my feet back into my shoes and grabbed my purse. "I promised I'd keep you close."

He hooked his arm around my neck and pulled me close to him, kissing my temple. "I'd rather it was actually me on your hip, but that's nice too."

I rolled my eyes and pushed away from him. "Come on, let's get something to eat. I plan on getting completely hammered tonight."

He laughed and followed me out of the room. We stopped at a small deli in the hotel lobby and paid outrageous prices for sandwiches, chips and drinks. We ate quickly, then went for a walk as we sipped our sodas.

"So, this will be the first time I've seen you drunk. Should be interesting."

I grinned. "Yeah, I'll have to find some other guy to drunk dial, I guess."

He laughed. "I'll keep my cell phone on me so you can still call me."

"Are you going to drink? I don't think anyone would card you."

"I can't get drunk, Bells. My metabolism is too high."

"Oh, right. I forgot about that."

He shrugged. "I can get a little buzz going, but I have to basically shotgun an entire bottle of Everclear to do that."

I made a face. "Ew. That shit is awful." We paused to look at the fountains. They weren't dancing right now, but the sound and smell of the water was soothing. "Have you tried absinthe?"

"I thought that shit was illegal."

I grinned. "It should be. It will fuck your shit up good."

His grin widened. "Well, hell, let's do that tonight then. I'll try anything once."

I snickered. "Of course you will. You don't have to worry about it killing you after two."

He laughed. "Yeah yeah. Ok, I looked up a couple things to do here in Vegas since I'm not really into gambling or hookers. You up for some fun with me?"

I narrowed my eyes at him as we began our stroll back towards the hotel. "What is your idea of fun?"

"Well, you'll be screaming, holding on to me tightly and there will be an adrenalin rush."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that other than with raised eyebrows. He stopped and dug a creased paper out of his pocket. From what I could figure out, there was a hotel in Vegas with a needle sticking out the top of it and if my eyes weren't lying, there was a roller coaster going up and down the needle. Another page had a picture of a ride of some sort teetering off the edge and a third had some kind of carousel thing.

"You are out of your fucking mind," I whispered.

He laughed. "Come on, when's the last time you had a big rush like that?"

I gave him a doubtful expression. "It's been a while, but I figure that's due to me wanting to stay in one piece."

He hooked an arm around my shoulders and we headed into our hotel. "You'll love it. I'll be right beside you holding your hand the whole time."

"I think you'll have to get me drunk off my ass first."

"That can be arranged."

I lightly punched him in the arm.

"Really, I should have dragged you up there this afternoon. Talking and napping can happen after the adrenalin rush sex."

"Ok, now you have to shut up. Kate and Mandy don't know we've slept together."

He looked surprised. "Why not?"

I shrugged. "I just didn't want to talk about it with them. They know about the other guys, just not you."

He nodded and looked thoughtful. "Well, I'll keep your secret for you then, though I don't get why it's a secret."

I didn't have an answer for him that I thought he wouldn't read too much into. I hadn't told the girls about him because I was still embarrassed by the whole thing. It had meant more to me than any of the others and I regretted that I'd left the way I had.

Kate and Mandy were back at the suite by the time we got there. They were running around getting dressed, rummaging through my through my suitcase and borrowing my makeup. I rolled my eyes as Mandy ran through the living room in her underwear, her hair in curlers and my mascara in her hand.

"I'll bring it back," she called over her shoulder as she ran into their room.

Jake raised his eyebrows. "Should I expect more of this over the weekend?"

I laughed. "Yeah, probably. They're always borrowing my shit. Whenever I can't find something I just go to one of their rooms and that's usually where it is."

He grinned and followed me into our room. "So, do you want me to leave while you change?" he asked uncertainly.

I shrugged. "It doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you. I can dress in front of you without showing more off than I want."

He smiled. "I'm up for that then."

I shut the door behind us, more for Jake's modesty than anything else. The girls and I had all seen each other naked so many times it wasn't even funny anymore. It was just a fact that someone was almost always naked in our house.

I pulled off my jeans and my top, dropping them in a pile by my suitcase. I frowned. "I think my dress is in their room. I'll be right back."

I headed across the living room and stuck my head in the other room. "Mandy, do you have my dress?"

"Which one?"

I rolled my eyes. "So you brought one of mine?"

She gave me an innocent smile and held up a bright yellow dress Renee had bought me last time she visited. I hated it so it basically belonged to Mandy.

"I'm looking for the strapless red one," I said, pushing my way in. I froze and looked around their room in shock. "Seriously? We've been here for five fucking hours!" The room was a disaster area. There were clothes and shoes and random flotsam shit everywhere. I carefully picked my way over to the closet where the garment bag was hanging.

"We may have over packed a tiny bit and then had to dig for what we wanted," admitted Kate, coming out of their bathroom with a curling iron in her hand.

I rolled my eyes and pulled my dress out of the closet. I unhooked my bra and pulled the dress on. I jiggled my boobs into the dress and headed back across to my room, my bra hooked onto my arm.

Jake was wearing boxer briefs and a shirt when I entered. I grinned at him and tossed my bra in the pile of dirty clothes. "I see you got started without me."

He rolled his eyes. "I had to. I'm the man; I'm supposed to wait forever while the women get dressed."

I snickered. "Not gonna happen here. We may look like we're running around bat shit insane, but it always has fantastic results in a timely manner."

There was a knock on the door and Mandy stuck her head in. "Here's your mascara back. Can I borrow your lip gloss?"

I took the tube from her. "Did you bring anything of your own?"

"Yeah, but your stuff is nicer."

I rolled my eyes and led her into our bathroom. I dug through the makeup bag that was already spilled across the counter, due no doubt to my lovely roommates' paws. I handed over the tube of lip gloss that I swear had been used by her more than by me.

"Your friend is way hot," she said in a low voice. "Is he single?"

I grinned. "I think so. He said he's not looking, though. He may be content with his status as man candy."

She peeked out the door at him. "Can I try to change his mind?"

I rolled my eyes. "Go for it."

She grinned at me and sashayed out the door. Obviously the plan to change Jake's mind went into effect immediately. I watched as she tried to make sultry small talk. It was somewhat amusing. I quickly washed my face and swiped on some mascara and lip gloss. I brushed my hair and pinned part of it back out of my face. I adjusted my dress again, this time making sure everything was where it was supposed to be before exiting the bathroom.

Jake was sitting on the bed pulling on shoes and socks. "You didn't have to sic her on me like that," he said, sounding slightly annoyed.

I grinned. "Oh, but it was funny! Besides, what was I supposed to tell her? You're single, right?"

"Not by choice," he muttered. "I'm only interested in changing that if…" he stopped and didn't look at me. "Never mind."

I rolled my eyes. I knelt on the floor in front of my suitcase and pulled out the stilettos I'd bought on our trip to Brazil and stood up. I held on to the wall as I slipped first one foot then the other into the shoes. I walked over to examine myself in the mirror and saw Jake sitting behind me on the bed his mouth hanging open.

I turned nervously. "What?"

"Fuck…you are not the Bella that left Forks."

I smiled. "That was kind of the point of leaving Forks, Jake. Getting away from everything and doing things Bella Swan wouldn't normally do."

He grinned at me. "And you can actually walk in those things?" he gestured to my feet.

I grinned. "I can walk without falling, sometimes I even run in them."

"Why the fuck are you running in shoes like that?"

"Oh, there have been some crazy nights. You don't want to hear about it. I'll just piss you off."

He rolled his eyes and stood up. He grabbed a jacket off the back of a chair and pulled it on. "So are we ready?"

"Hell yeah. Let's go." I linked my arm in his and we headed into the living room. "Kate, Mandy get your asses out here! We're leaving in one minute, with or without you!"

Kate came into the living room looking annoyed. "Bitch, I'm almost ready. Let me just put my shoes on." She sat on the couch and strapped on a pair of silver stilettos that added about 6 inches to her height. She looked fabulous with her blond hair curling around her big boobs and wearing an awesome blue dress of mine.

"Seriously, did either of you bring your own fucking clothes?" I demanded. "Those are my shoes and dress."

"You have a better wardrobe than us. We brought enough shit so we can all mix and match for tomorrow night, too."

Mandy teetered out then in black stilettos and the yellow dress. Jake looked at the three of us and shook his head. "I'm the luckiest fucking man in Vegas," he grinned, putting his arms out for the three of us. "Hugh Hefner can kiss my ass."

I grinned and dropped my cell phone and slim wallet into his inner jacket pocket and we headed out.

We stopped in the hotel restaurant for dinner. We all ate heavy foods so we could drink more, paid the bill and headed out on the town.

My birthday wasn't official until midnight. At 11:59 we were sitting at a too small table in an overcrowded bar just waiting for the clock to strike. There were no clocks in the bar so we were using my cell phone and its satellite timing.

"10…9…8…" Kate and Mandy began counting down at the top of their lungs. Jake grinned and joined in with them as did a few of the bar patrons around us. "5…4…3…"

I buried my face in my hands. No matter that I was a different Bella; I still hated this kind of attention. "1! Happy Birthday!" shouted the girls. Jake grinned at me and leaned over, kissing me lightly on the neck.

A waitress appeared with a round of shots. Apparently the bars gave free shots on a person's 21st birthday. I grinned and grabbed one. The others did too, even Jake, to my surprise. He slipped a credit card to the waitress discreetly but I still saw it. I winked at him and grinned.

We held up our shots, carefully clinking the glasses together, then downed them. I shook off the rawness of the alcohol and stood up. "Alright, time for my next drink."

"I got it," said Jake, waving me down. "I gave the girl my card."

I smiled at him. "No no, dear sweet Jake. We girls don't pay for our drinks, nor do our bodyguards. We get the other unsuspecting male patrons to buy our drinks for us." I squeezed his shoulder and scanned the crowd. I grinned when I spotted my first mark. I winked at Jake as I headed over to the guy at the bar.

I leaned against the bar, my breasts facing him and smiled. "Hi, I'm Bella."

The guy looked me over, turned and grinned back at me. "I'm Ryan."

"Today's my birthday," I announced. "As of midnight, I'm officially 21 years old."

Ryan's grin widened. "Well, happy birthday 21-year-old Bella. Can I buy you a drink?"

"I'd love that."

"What are you drinking?"

"Whatever you've got." I gestured to his half empty glass. He grinned and called the bar tender over, ordering two more Long Island Iced Teas.

I made small talk with him until the drinks came. I winked at him. "Thanks, Ryan." I sauntered off, perching on Jake's knee and sipping my drink. Mandy and Kate were off doing the same.

Jake shook his head. "That's cold."

I laughed. "I didn't promise him anything. He voluntarily bought me a drink."

Jake rolled his eyes. "Details, Bella."

I smiled innocently and offered him my straw. He took a pull and grinned. "Get me one?"

I winked and headed off.

After an hour, we girls had gotten about five free drinks between us, two of which went to Jake as our bodyguard and the purchaser of our first round. We then headed off to the next place. It was a dance club with a heavy beat.

After a couple of free rounds, I pulled Jake out onto the dance floor while Mandy and Kate danced with each other. Jake's face seemed to be in a state of constant shock as I danced up against him. He wrapped his arms around me to help me keep balanced.

I was definitely feeling the alcohol. I slipped my arms around his neck and leaned in, kissing his jaw. "I've missed you," I said, grinning up at him.

He grinned back at me. "I've missed you, too."

"This is usually the stage of drunk where I start thinking about calling you," I admitted.

He laughed. "How many more before you actually call?"

"Two. Two after that and I'm going home with you."

He raised his eyebrows. "Do you do that often?"

"Just once," I admitted. "It was a stupid mistake and I don't do it anymore."

"But there was one time."

I shrugged. "You never did anything you regretted?"

He sighed. "Let's not talk about that. It's your birthday Bells."

I frowned. It was out there now. He'd done something he'd regretted and he didn't want to talk to me about it so obviously it was something that would upset me. I pulled back from him and looked up at him. "Was it me?"

"Bella…"

"Answer me, dammit. Was it me?"

"No, I don't regret anything with you. I regret Leah."

My jaw dropped. "Leah? When the hell did that happen?"

"Summer after you left. It was just a few times and it was a huge mistake. You told me to hook up so I did."

I nodded and stood there numbly. My brain was having trouble computing this. A waitress was winding her way through the crowd, handing out free shots. I grabbed one in each hand and downed them quickly. I looked up at him.

"Leah, huh." He nodded, his eyes searching my face. "Who was better, me or her?"

He laughed. "She was more of an animal, but you were sweeter."

"That doesn't answer my question."

He pulled me against him, kissing me hard, his tongue invading my mouth. I slid my arms around his neck and held on as he straightened up, lifting me off the floor. "I'd make love to you again in a heartbeat. You'd have to pay me to fuck her again."

I grinned and kissed him again. My question still wasn't answered, not really anyway, but I'd take his response.

***

Tali: Yes this is a vastly different Bella. I like her more, not so whiny and broody.


	12. Chapter 11

I rolled over and groaned as bright sunlight hit my eyes. I grabbed a pillow and covered my face. "Why the fuck are the curtains open?" I muttered.

There was silence. I removed the pillow and sat up slowly, my head pounding. The room was empty, clothes strewn everywhere. I felt a knot of panic in my stomach before I saw both suitcases were still in the room.

I stumbled out of bed, wincing slightly as I pulled the curtains closed. I always swore I'd drink a gallon of water before bed and I never did. I went to the bathroom to pee and sighed. It was a disaster, too.

"What the fuck happened last night?" I wondered as I kicked some random shit out of the way of the toilet room door.

"You were basically an animal."

I jumped, screamed, and peed a little at the voice. Jake was sitting in the big tub playing with my mp3 player.

"What the fuck?!" I demanded. "I almost pissed myself."

He grinned. "So go ahead and pee."

I rolled my eyes and grimaced. That hurt like hell. I quickly relieved myself in the toilet, then came and studied him for a moment. "Did you sleep in the tub?"

"No, but I thought about it. I'm too big for it or I would have."

"What do you mean I was an animal?"

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "You don't remember?"

"Would I be asking if I did?" I grabbed a glass off the counter and filled it with water, quickly downed it, and filled it again.

"Maybe, if you wanted to hear my take on it."

I settled on the edge of the tub and looked at him. "So what happened?"

He grinned at me. "Well, _I_ was a perfect gentleman, though your panties are probably still in my jacket pocket."

"Fuck, I tried to jump you didn't I?"

He leaned his head back and laughed loudly. I cringed as the sound bounced off the tile walls around us.

"Are you trying to fucking kill me?"

"You swear a lot when you're hungover."

"You would too if midgets with pickaxe dicks were raping the inside of your skull."

He chuckled, more softly this time. "Come on then, let's go get you some food. You'll feel better."

I sighed. He was right. A large coke and fries from McDonald's always made my hangover headache go away. The best would be burritos from Allsup's, but I wasn't sure if we could find one here in Vegas as easily as a McD's.

I headed into our room and dug through my suitcase, pulling out a pair of shorts and a strapless top that was loose and flowy with a fitted underlayer and headed back into the bathroom. Jake exited while I climbed into the shower.

"You have shit taste in music, you know," he called when I climbed out a few minutes later, clean and shaved but still feeling like gum on the bottom of someone's shoe.

"How come it's shit?" I demanded. "Some of those songs I seem to remember you recommending to me." I quickly dried off and pulled on clean underwear.

"Yeah, two years ago. I was a child then, I didn't know anything about music."

"Oh, so since my taste is different than yours, it's shitty?"

"Pretty much."

I rolled my eyes and pulled on the shorts and top, twisting my hair into two small knobs on either side of my head. I'd let it dry this way and worry about straightening or curling or whatever later before we went out tonight.

I brushed on some mascara and lip gloss before exiting the bathroom. Jake was sitting on the bed, still scrolling through my player. He looked up and grinned. "That was fast."

"I told you, we're fast bitches." I grinned at him. "Let's go get something to eat, I'm starved."

On the way out, I poked my head into the girls' room. They were both fast asleep on their bed, Mandy's arm and leg draped over Kate. I grinned. It was a good thing we were all such good friends or the cuddles would make things awkward.

A few minutes later, we stepped out into the bright afternoon Las Vegas sunshine. I grimaced and dug my sunglasses out of my purse, sliding them on as I followed Jake down the sidewalk. He led me to a McDonald's and ordered for us. He easily ate enough for two while I picked at my fries. In spite of my hunger, I knew if I ate like I wanted to I'd be throwing up before too long.

Jake sat back, sated from his two meals and sighed contentedly. "That hit my spot."

I grinned and took a pull on my soda. "When does food _not_ hit your spot?" I teased.

He shrugged. "You should see some of the shit our dads have been cooking recently. Charlie found an old cookbook from like, the 60's. That almost made me decide to stop eating altogether."

I laughed. "Yeah, the 60's weren't really known for the fabulous cooking."

He reached over and grabbed the last of my fries. "Ok, now that we're both done, we've got a date with destiny."

I raised my eyebrows at him. It didn't hurt as much as it had earlier. "Who's destiny?"

He thumped my arm as he stood up with the tray of our trash. "Har har, you should be a stand up comedienne with a routine like that."

"Fuck you," I laughed as I followed him out the door.

"We, my tiny little birthday girl, have three roller coasters to ride."

I stared up at him. I would have stopped, but he'd draped his arm around my shoulders and was pulling me along with him. "I didn't say I'd actually do that, I just said I had to be crazy for considering it."

He grinned. "You agreed last night. You said you'd ride them all day long if I'd let you ride me all night long."

My face flared up. "Shit…really?"

He laughed. "No, but I had you going, didn't I?"

I elbowed him in the side. "Since it's my birthday, I shouldn't have to do anything I don't want to," I reasoned.

"Yeah, but you know you want to ride the roller coasters. You'll have fun."

I sighed. I knew he was right and I hated that. I didn't like that in some ways, he still knew me better than I knew myself. "Fine, but if I die, you have to live with that for the rest of your fucking life. I'm tempted to have a death grip on your dick so that you'll really grieve my death."

"You won't die. I'm pretty sure they shut down the rides if someone dies on them."

It was a bit of a hike to the hotel where the rides were, but we opted to walk anyway. I wanted my food as digested as possible before being shot off into space.

After about 20 minutes, I stopped walking. "My feet hurt," I whined. "These shoes, while hella cute, are not great for walking." I lifted up one wedge clad foot as evidence.

Jake rolled his eyes and picked me up, tossing me over his shoulder in a fireman's carry. I yelped and slapped his back. "Not funny," I protested. "I meant for you to call a cab."

"No, this is more fun for me."

"Ass."

"Yes, yours is pretty nice." He smacked my ass as punctuation to his statement. I slapped his in retaliation.

He ignored me and carried me the rest of the way, gently setting me down once we got to the hotel. I wobbled a little but he caught my arm to steady me, a grin on his face. "I know; I do that to a lot of women."

I stuck my tongue out and headed towards the ticket desk. Jake quickly slipped around me, sliding his credit card out and calmly paying for our tickets. The agent pointed us in the direction of the elevators that would take us to the top. As we walked away, I couldn't help but notice her checking Jake's ass out. I grinned and slid my hand into his back pocket.

"What the hell?" he looked down at me surprised.

I shrugged innocently. "My birthday. I can do whatever I want."

"Now that you _did_ say last night. Although, while you're sober, I am definitely on that list."

"So that's why you didn't have sex with me last night?"

"Yep. I want you to remember it, so I'm not going to have sex with you while you're drunk."

"I've been told I'm a lot of fun while drunk," I grinned, leaning against his arm.

He moved it and wrapped it around my shoulders. "Sounds like you're telling me to fuck you while drunk."

"Sure, might as well. What happens in Vegas, right?"

"Yeah, I don't want 'us' to stay in Vegas, though."

I smiled and stood on my tiptoes to kiss his neck lightly. "Me either."

He looked down at me, surprised again, but the elevator stopped then and we walked out.

Surprisingly enough, there wasn't much of a line for any of the rides. I stowed my shoes and purse in a locker and carefully climbed onto our first death trap: Big Shot. Jake settled into the seat next to me and grinned.

"You ready?"

"Yeah, sure. How bad could it be, right?"

He laughed and held out his hand. I took it quickly.

Once everyone was loaded, the ride slowly started to ascend.

"See, not so bad," grinned Jake.

I would have replied, but at that moment, the ride shot straight up so fast I felt like I was being bent in half. It stopped at the top for a moment and we had an amazing view of the city below us. Way fucking far below us.

"I think they should slowly lower us now," I said nervously.

I screamed as we plummeted back down. We yo-yoed a bit before finally coming to a stop.

"Ow, Bella, you're starting to actually hurt me."

I looked over and saw I had a white knuckle death grip on Jake's hand. I'd actually drawn blood with my nails, small superficial wounds that healed even as I was realizing what they were.

"Well, fuck. I think I hate you now."

He laughed and climbed out of his seat, helping me down carefully. I held onto him until I was sure I could stand on my own. "Ready for the next one?"

"No."

He pulled me over to the next one called X-Scream. I cringed into his chest while I watched the riders ahead of us ride what was essentially a giant see-saw on the edge of the building. Jake dragged me forward when it was our turn and I nearly peed my pants when I saw we were in the front.

"What the fuck?" I hissed. "You want me to just go flying out into space? I thought you loved me."

"I do. You'll love this."

"I hate you."

"Yeah, you know you love me."

"No, I know I hate you."

The back tilted up and we slid down towards the other end where it looked like nothing was going to stop us from flying off into space. I screamed and grabbed Jake's hand again.

The last ride, Insanity, nearly did make me pee myself and lose my lunch at the same time. I made the mistake of opening my eyes and saw nothing but the ground several hundred feet below me.

"I hate you, Jake," I screamed. I could hear him laughing.

After that one ended, Jake helped me downstairs to a small restaurant where I ordered a shot of tequila to calm my nerves. He snickered at me as I drank it, my hands shaking.

"Fuck you HARD, Jake," I muttered.

"So, you wanna go again?"

I took a huge swallow of his beer and stared at him. "Are you out of your damn mind?" I demanded. "That was the scariest fucking thing I've done in forever! I don't do roller coasters for a reason."

"Is that a yes?"

I sighed. "Yeah, let me just pee first so I don't embarrass myself. There's only so long I can hold it through the terrors."

His laughter followed me to the bathroom. When I emerged he was sitting at the table with my phone against his ear, a huge grin on his face. He looked up at me.

"Here she is. Nice talking to you, too." He handed me the phone.

"Who is it?" I whispered, covering the mouthpiece with my hand.

His grin widened. "An old friend. Answer it."

I frowned at him and checked the phone. It wasn't anyone in my contacts, but it had a Forks area code. "Hello?"

"Bella, happy 21!"

I frowned, not placing the voice. It was familiar, but I couldn't figure out who it was. "Um, thanks. Who is this?"

"You don't recognize my voice?" he sounded hurt.

"Sorry, no. But, I have just been riding roller coasters, so maybe that has something to do with it." I motioned to Jake that we should head back up to the top. He dropped a couple bills on the table and guided me towards the elevators. I loved the feel of his hand in the small of my back.

"We worked together for months, though, Bella."

I froze. "Mike?"

"Yeah!" he sounded jubilant.

I groaned inwardly. "How did you get this number?"

"The wonders of the internet," he laughed. "So Jake says you're doing a group thing in Vegas for the weekend?"

"Yeah. It started out me and a couple of girlfriends and then Jake sort of invited himself along."

"That's cool. Wanna know something cool?"

I had a strong feeling I didn't. "Sure."

"I'm at UNLV!" he sounded so proud of this fact.

"Oh, cool," I couldn't muster up much enthusiasm. "How's that going anyway?"

"Pretty good. What are your plans for tonight? Maybe I can meet you out somewhere. I know a couple of hot clubs."

I shuddered. I wasn't sure Mike went to the types of clubs we preferred: dance clubs and clubs with lots of men. "I'm not really sure. I think dinner somewhere and then we just kind of let the spirit lead us."

"Well, call me. I'd love to see you again. It's been a while, you know? I miss hanging out with you."

"Yeah, it has been." When the fuck did we ever hang out? I shot daggers at Jake who was doubled over in silent laughter. "Look, we're in the middle of something, so I'll have to talk later."

"Cool, cool. Just text me your location and I'll find you."

"Ok, bye Mike." I flipped the phone closed before he could say anything and punched Jake in the arm as we exited. "Not fucking cool."

He laughed out loud now, startling the people outside the elevator. "Oh, come on, he's been aching for you for what, four years now? Throw the kid a bone already."

I shuddered. "Sex with Mike is not even in the realm of possibilities if I was drunk, stoned, and in desperate need of a heart transplant."

"What does a heart transplant have to do with anything?"

"Exactly."

He stared at me confused. "You're weird."

"And you're an ass for not warning me so we're even."

He chuckled as I once again stowed my shoes and purse in our locker.

"So are you going to let him know where we are this evening?" he asked casually as we got in line for the Big Shot.

I sighed. "Mandy and Kate would probably like him a lot. He's actually not that terrible when he just leaves me alone, you know? Plus he's kinda cute."

"Just like I'm kinda beautiful?"

I rolled my eyes. "Jake, there's no kinda about you. You're drop dead gorgeous." I pulled the harness thing down over my shoulders and adjusted in my seat. For once Jake was quiet.

"You really think so?" he asked softly.

I craned my neck to see him and smiled. "Yes. You're gorgeous inside and out."

He winked at me and held out his hand.

***

"Where have you been?" asked Mandy curiously when Jake and I trooped in a couple hours later.

"I took Bella for the ride of her life. Multiple times," Jake grinned. Mandy's jaw dropped and she stared at me.

I rolled my eyes. "There's a hotel a couple miles from here with roller coasters on the top and we spent the day riding them. Are we going out tonight?"

She nodded and tossed the magazine she'd been thumbing through onto the coffee table. "Yeah, Kate kicked me out of our room so she could sleep for a bit before you two got back. Apparently I'm a bed hog." She rolled her eyes.

I laughed. "I remember that from Brazil. Go get her up so we can get dressed and head out."

She nodded and disappeared into their room. Jake was already in ours. I could hear the shower kick on as I flopped down on the bed and flipped on the TV. I hissed slightly.

"You ok?" Jake stuck his head around the edge of the door.

I nodded and pulled the top hem of my shirt down a little, revealing a noticeable difference in skin tone. "I burned a little."

"Damn, I didn't even think about sunscreen." He frowned. "Want me to run get you something?"

I laughed. "I'll be fine. I'll get some aloe or something while you're taking your shower. I pulled myself off the bed and slid my feet into some flip flops and grabbed my wallet from my purse. "Be back in a sec."

He nodded and disappeared behind the door.

I stuck my head in the door of the girls' room. "I'm going to get some aloe for my sunburn, need anything?"

Mandy shook her head. "I'm good. Kate?"

Kate came out of the bathroom with my mascara wand in her hand. "Condoms."

I blinked. "Seriously?"

"I'm getting laid tonight. It's been way to fucking long."

I frowned. "Didn't you meet up with whathisface last weekend?"

"Yeah. It's been 7 days. That's way too fucking long."

I laughed. "Alright, condoms. I'll be back in a bit."

I hurried downstairs and into the gift shop. I quickly found what I needed and charged it to the room. I ignored the leer from the guy behind the desk and headed back up to our room.

Jake was out of the shower, though still in just a towel. He was standing over the sink shaving when I returned.

"That was fast," he said appreciatively.

"Yeah, I don't fuck around when there's drinking to be done," I grinned. I sat on the toilet carefully and generously slathered the aloe on my legs and arms. I rolled the top of my shirt down a little and got my chest, collarbone and shoulders. I held the bottle up to Jake, who was done shaving. "Can you get my back?"

"Sure." He took the bottle and gently smoothed the cool gel over the back of my neck and shoulders. I sighed softly.

"You're pretty good with your hands, Jake," I grinned at him. "Must come from working with them all the time."

"You haven't even begun to see what these hands can do," he said softly, kissing the nape of my neck.

I shivered slightly and looked into his eyes. I was a little scared by what I saw there. Love. I leaned forward instinctually to kiss him. His eyes flicked down to my mouth and back up to my eyes. He was asking permission. He didn't used to do that.

I realized with a start that I wanted to kiss him, kiss the fuck out of him and then fuck the shit out of him. Forever. I felt my stomach drop as I realized I wanted Jake forever. That I felt like I was ready for that forever.

I stood up quickly, knocking the bottle out of his hand and onto the floor.

"Sorry," I mumbled, bending to pick it up. I scurried into the other room suddenly feeling like a little kid who'd been caught doing something wrong.

I went to the girls' room dragged them both into the bathroom with me. I turned on the shower and turned to them. Mandy looked at me with alarm.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

I shook my head. "He loves me."

"Well, yeah." She looked confused. "I don't get it, though. How is that a problem?"

I looked up at her. "No, Man, he LOVES me loves me. He wants forever with me."

She put her hands on her hips. "Again, yeah. You feel the same way so what's the problem?"

I stared at her. "You can tell?"

"It's obvious to everyone," snorted Kate as she stripped off her shorts and pulled on a deep violet dress hanging on the back of the door, another of Renee's contributions to my wardrobe.

I dropped onto the edge of the tub. "It wasn't obvious to me until about five fucking seconds ago," I muttered, dropping my face into my hands.

"Why are we in the bathroom having this discussion?" demanded Mandy.

I flushed. "I don't want him to hear. He's got really good ears."

"What, like a bat?"

Not far off actually. "Something like that," I mumbled.

"So what are you going to do?" asked Mandy curiously.

I shrugged. "What can I do? How do you tell your best friend that you're in love with him?"

Kate grinned. "I've got a dress for that. And this one is actually mine."

Half an hour later, I'd been stuffed into a tiny black leather mini-dress that stopped mid-thigh and left very little to the imagination. It was cute on the hanger, like a little girl's dress. On, I had to admit, I looked completely fuckable. I slid on my red heels from the night before and borrowed some of Mandy's silver jewelry.

"Now," Kate instructed. "You need to go over to your room and let him know you are now available to him in any and every possible way. We'll even leave you two alone tonight if you want."

I shook my head. "No, I don't want to do it that way. Let me think, ok? Stay with us tonight."

She shrugged. "You could stay here and just fuck him senseless."

I flushed slightly; glad the sunburn covered that for the most part.

"Fuck you," I grumbled, heading to the door. I paused and looked back. "Thanks, though."

They grinned and each gave me thumbs up. I took a deep breath and was heading across the living room when there was a knock on the door. I frowned and crossed to open it.

My jaw dropped when I saw Mike Newton standing on the other side with a bouquet of roses in his hand.

"Happy Birthday, Bella!"

***

Tali: I think its interesting the different views on the new Bella. Some love her, some hate her. I love all of you regardless! Thanks for reading and reviewing!


	13. Chapter 12

Tali: Thank you all for the reviews!!! I opened my email this morning to 27 (27!!!!) emails from fanfic for two stories. Frakin' awesome!!! So, here's the next chapter, sooner than anticipated. It moves the story along a little, but it is short. Love to all who reviewed! Your favorite dessert is in the mail!

***

I stared at Mike, frozen in shock. "Mike."

His grin widened. "Can I come in?"

I stood to the side automatically. Mike Newton was not even on the top 1000 people I wanted to spend my birthday with and yet, here he was. With flowers, no less. He shoved the bouquet at me.

"The florist said yellow roses represent friendship," he grinned.

I felt a little ripple of relief flutter through me. Friendship. That I could handle. "Thanks, Mike," I said, finally finding my voice. "Sit down while I let everyone else know you're here."

He nodded and settled down on the couch, flipping on the TV to some sports game. I ducked back into the girls' room, panic rising in my throat. Kate looked up with surprise as she buckled her shoes on.

"What the fuck are you doing back here? I thought you were going to go throw yourself at Jake." She sounded annoyed.

Mandy widened her eyes in surprise. "Yeah, if you don't want him I get dibs."

"No, forget Jake. A guy I went to high school with is here. In our living room."

They both stared at me like I'd started speaking French.

"How the fuck did he figure out where we were?" asked Kate confused.

I shrugged. "I have no fucking clue! Maybe he's stalking me."

Mandy laughed. "You would have stalkers, Bella," she shook her head. "So, what, you want us to run him off?"

"No, just keep him company while I go talk to Jake. I think Mike will probably want to come with us."

"Is he hot?" demanded Kate.

I shrugged. "He's not my type, but he's not completely unfortunate looking."

"Dibs," said Kate, pushing past Mandy and out into the living room. Mandy rolled her eyes and followed. They were both ready to go, as was I, so it was simply a matter of getting Jake.

When we entered the living room, Jake was sitting next to Mike and the two were talking about the game on TV. Jake looked up and grinned at me.

"Bella, you look like sex in heels."

I flushed. "Thanks. You look pretty fuckable, too."

Mike's eyes widened. I hadn't seen him in two years, so he obviously had no inkling about what the "new Bella" was like.

"So where are we off to?" asked Mike, standing up and rubbing his hands together eagerly.

"We're having dinner downstairs again and then we're hitting some dance clubs," announced Mandy.

"Unless you have some better ideas," grinned Kate, leaning up against Mike suggestively.

He beamed at her. "I've got a couple of ideas."

I groaned inwardly. I really hope they didn't include strip clubs or karaoke bars or anything else like that.

We all piled into a taxi, Kate on Mike's lap and I on Jake's as we drove to a restaurant that Mike recommended. We crowded around a tale for four and dug in to some of the most fucking awesome Italian food I'd had in a while. Mike insisted on paying, so we didn't fight him too much. He was working somewhere ambiguous and apparently made really good money.

After eating, we piled into another taxi and headed off to another club. To my surprise, this place wasn't that bad. There were more women than we typically preferred, but the music had a good beat so we let Mike buy a couple rounds before hitting the floor.

I was with Jake at first before Mandy cut in. I grinned and turned, finding another willing partner not far away. He was a little handsy, rubbing my arms and hips and thighs more than was absolutely necessary but I decided since it was my last night in Vegas I would just have a good time. I wrapped my arms around his neck and went with it.

My dance partner and I danced for a while until he leaned in for a kiss. I leaned back and grinned. "And with that, goodnight," I shouted over the music, disentangling myself from him and heading back to Jake who happily wrapped his arms around me and pulled me against him to dance.

"See, you should always dance with me," he shouted into my ear. "At least then you're familiar with the hands grabbing your ass."

I grinned and pulled him down for a kiss. My buzz was wearing off, so I pulled him behind me to the bar. I leaned forward to get the bartender's attention. He grinned and approached me.

"What can I get you," he shouted.

"Do you have absinthe?" I shouted back.

He nodded. "ID?"

I turned and retrieved my ID and credit card from Jake's pocket and passed them to the bartender. He inspected them and grinned at me.

"It's your birthday. First shot is on the house."

I grinned widely at him. "Make it two and I'll pay for the extra."

He nodded and disappeared with the card. I turned back to Jake and grinned. "We're about to get you drunk, lover boy."

He grinned down at me. The bartender reappeared with my card and two flaming drinks. "You know how to do this?" he shouted.

I nodded and grinned. "Run a tab for us. We'll be doing a couple more of these."

He laughed and nodded, handing me back my card and disappearing to help someone else.

I carefully picked up one of the glasses and handed it to Jake. I grabbed the other and looked up at Jake. "Ready?"

He nodded. "What do we do?"

"Dump the sugar and stir it up really fast, then shoot it down."

He nodded and licked his lips in anticipation. I counted to three and we did the shots, grimacing as it hit our throats.

"Holy fuck," Jake gasped. "My lips are numb and burning at the same time."

I grinned. "It's awesome, isn't it?"

He laughed. "What other shit do you drink?"

"Tequila." My eyes widened. "Oh my god, we're totally doing body shots!" I waved the bartender back over and ordered four tequila shots, a salt shaker and limes along with two more shots of absinthe. He brought them over on a tray and we carefully mad our way to a table. We did the absinthe first and then turned to the tequila.

"How do we do this?" asked Jake.

I grinned and pushed him into a chair so he was closer to my level. I tilted his head slightly and licked his neck. I put the wedge of lime in his mouth while I lightly sprinkled salt on his wet neck. I licked the salt off, shot the tequila and grabbed the lime from his mouth using my tongue. His eyes were wide as I pulled the sucked lime out of my mouth.

"Holy shit."

I grinned and offered him the salt shaker, putting a lime slice in my mouth. He studied me for a minute, then leaned forward and licked my collarbone. I shivered slightly as he licked me again and took the lime from my mouth.

He pulled me onto his lap, facing him. I grinned and unbuttoned his shirt to lick his chest for my next shot. He groaned softly when I did so. I couldn't hear it over the pounding music but I felt the vibrations against my body. I felt other things, too. I grinned at him and shifted to let him know I felt and approved.

When the tequila was gone, Jake trotted off to get more drinks while I leaned back in my seat. I wasn't worried about the others. Mandy and Kate could take care of themselves. I'd check in through text when Jake got back.

He returned with more absinthe and tequila. I grinned and stood up to drink the absinthe with him. I reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out my phone. I had messages from both girls.

Kate and Mike were getting along really well and had dibs on the bed in the girls' room tonight. Mandy was feeling left out without a guy and said we needed to move on to the next location soon so she could have a chance to score.

I grinned and texted back that Jake and I were getting hammered in the back and when it was time to go they should come get us. I slipped my phone back into Jake's pocket.

"You ready for this?" he asked, leaning closer to me.

I grinned up at him. "Fuck yeah."

***

Tali: Seriously...absinthe is evil stuff. I can't drink alcohol anymore as a result of an unfortunate night involving absinthe, British hotties, magic tricks, and a Texas Tea. But damn it all if I didn't have fun at the time.


	14. Chapter 13

I groaned and rolled over. Today's hangover was shit tons worse than yesterday's. Apparently Jake was feeling it too: he was passed out in the bed next to me, snoring loudly. I winced at the noise and nudged him. He grunted and rolled over.

I flinched when I realized he was completely naked under the thin sheet. I pulled the pillow over my face, contemplating smothering myself. Then I wouldn't feel like such shit.

As I lay there, I started to wake up more and I realized that I was naked, too. I mentally assessed my body and from the bit of tenderness I felt, I came to the conclusion that Jake and I had had sex.

"Shit. Bella?"

I pulled the pillow off my face and looked at Jake. "Yeah?"

"Did we have sex last night?"

"I think so. You don't remember?"

He shook his head. "Last I remember is leaving the second club."

"We went to a second club?"

He grinned and then winced. "My head hurts. I get what you mean about the midgets."

I nodded and carefully lifted myself out of bed. "I'm getting some water." I padded into the bathroom, ignoring the fact that our room was once again trashed. I filled the two water glasses and brought them back in, handing on to Jake wordlessly. He downed it and studied me.

"So. Sex."

I nodded and downed my own water. I took our empty glasses and headed back into the bathroom.

"So now that that's happened again, are you up for more?"

I snorted and immediately regretted it. "What, right now?"

"I'd like to stop getting skull fucked from the inside first, but today before we leave." He grinned at me.

I rolled my eyes. "Teenagers." We downed our second glasses of water then took turns peeing. I pulled on the hotel robe and wandered into the living room to see how the others fared while Jake crawled back into bed.

Mandy was sprawled across the hide-a-bed, still wearing her dress from last night, though her shoes were on the floor. I grinned and tickled the bottom of her foot.

She groaned and rolled over. "What the fuck happened?"

I crawled into the bed next to her. "I was hoping you could tell me. Last I remember is doing a couple of shots after sending you guys the text about Jake and me drinking in the back."

She nodded. "I remember getting that. I came to the back to hang out and we did some more shots, then Mike and Kate joined us for more shots. I think we went somewhere else after that."

"Jake remembers a second club. Apparently he and I had sex."

She grinned. "You rock it bitch."

I rolled my eyes. "So anything?"

She shook her head. "No, not really." She sat up and groaned. "The midgets are in."

I glanced towards the closed door to their room. "Should we check in on them?"

Mandy grinned wickedly. "Fuck yeah."

We climbed out of the bed and headed over to the door. Mandy opened it slowly and grinned over her shoulder at me.

I peaked over her and started laughing. Mike was sprawled out on the floor with a sheet wrapped around him and Kate was lying across the foot of the bed, both of them passed out asleep. It looked like Mike was wearing Kate's favorite hot pink lace thong, which only added to the hilarity of the scene. That and we were both probably still a little drunk from last night.

Kate lifted her head slowly and squinted at us. "Fuck off," she groaned, rolling over on the bed and pulling a sheet up over herself. Mandy and I instead crawled onto the bed with her.

"So," began Mandy as we all lay on our backs with our eyes closed. "Best birthday ever, Bella?"

I chuckled softly. "Fuck yeah. This will be hard to top." I rolled over and rested my chin on Mandy's shoulder.

Kate smacked my ass. "We'll figure something out. Maybe next year we'll come to Vegas and you'll get married."

I snorted. "So not happening. If I ever get married it won't be in Vegas. It's such a stereotype to run off to Vegas, get hammered, then get married by Elvis or some shit."

"True." Kate yawned and sat up. "Shit I feel like I got fucked by a truck."

I raised my eyebrows. "Are you implying that Mike is a beast in the sack?"

"Mike? Shit, is he still here?"

Mandy nodded and pointed to the floor on the other side of the bed. We all pulled ourselves over to the side and looked down at the sleeping figure below us. He grunted and rolled over, giving us a view of his white ass with Kate's thong going right up the crack. Mandy and I dissolved into giggles and rolled away. Kate looked annoyed.

"I hate that I'm always getting men into my underwear," she muttered. "They stretch them out and I have to go buy new ones."

"What is with you and putting men in your underwear anyway?" I asked, staring up at the ceiling.

"Dunno," she yawned, resting her head on my shoulder. "It's hot. You should try it sometime."

"I think Jake would tear Bella's underwear to shreds if he put them on," snickered Mandy.

Kate looked up at me. "Did you fuck him last night?"

"Yep." There was no use in denying it. "I don't remember it though," I admitted.

"Bummer. I'll bet he's an animal."

I grinned at the ceiling. If I remembered correctly, he was…perfect. I checked my watch and sighed. "We have to check out in an hour, ladies. I'll call and see about a late check out, but our flight leaves at 3 so we can't leave too late."

Mandy sighed and rolled off the bed. "I call the shower." She headed off towards the bathroom, unzipping and dropping the dress as she went. I rolled my eyes and climbed out myself.

"I'll see if Jake is up to getting food. He recovers from hangovers faster than a lot of people."

Kate nodded and rolled onto her stomach to regard Mike. "I'll see if I can get him up."

I headed back into my room and grinned when I heard the shower running. The bed was vacant so I shut the door behind me and dropped the robe on the floor. I padded into the bathroom quietly and opened the shower door.

Jake looked at me over his shoulder, somewhat surprised. "You feeling better?" he asked with a grin.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss as the water cascaded over my skin. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me against him. I grinned against his mouth when I felt his erection pressing against my stomach. I looked up at him.

"First we talk."

He sighed. "Here ok? I feel like I need to scrub club floor off of me."

"Here's fine." I looked up at him, suddenly nervous. "Jake, I love you." I blurted it out quickly before I could change my mind.

"I love you too, Bells." He grinned at me. "I always have."

"You don't get it," I said frustrated. "I LOVE you. I want forever with you."

"Yeah, I get it." He pulled me close to him again. "I always wanted forever with you too." He kissed me again, turning our heads so the kiss deepened. His hands shifted down to my waist and one slid down to pull my knee up over his hip.

"Not in the shower, I'll fall."

He rolled his eyes but reached behind himself and turned off the water, still holding on to me with one arm. We carefully stepped out of the shower and Jake lifted me up off the floor. I wrapped my legs around his waist and kept kissing him. He carried me into our room and lay me on the bed crosswise. I scooted back a little so he could fit on the bed too.

He crawled on top of me and kissed me again, pulling my knees up around his hips and pressing into me. I gasped a little as he filled me up. No one filled me up like Jake did. He looked at me a little concerned.

"You ok?"

I nodded and pulled his hips back against me. "Make love to me, Jake."

His eyes went black and he pulled me up and kissed me as he thrust into me harder. I grabbed onto his shoulders and held on for dear life.

When we were finished, he rested lightly on me while he caught his breath and I hugged him with my body, arms, legs, everything. I reached up a hand and stroked his hair.

"I actually came in to see if you'd go get everyone breakfast, but this is good, too."

Jake laughed and propped himself up awkwardly on his elbows. "Breakfast, huh?"

I nodded and grinned at him. "I think this was better than breakfast."

He leaned in and kissed me before rolling off. "I've got a shower to finish. Wanna come?"

I hopped off the bed and followed him to the shower.

After some more playing and touching we climbed out and dressed, shoving our things into our suitcases. I hung the dresses back on their hangers and laid them across the bed to take to the garment bag across the way. Jake headed downstairs to find food for everyone while I hauled our suitcases into the living room.

Mandy was pulling her suitcase out, too. She grinned at me. "So did you talk to him?"

I nodded and grinned back. "Yeah. We had sex we'd remember."

She laughed. "Atta girl."

"So is Mike still in there?"

She nodded. "They're having a go in the shower."

I shuddered. I'd never think of Mike the same again, especially not after seeing him in Kate's thong.

Mandy brought out the garment bag and we put the dresses in. We did a room check, flipping pillows and looking under beds. To my relief, I didn't find anything left behind. Kate came out of their room, Mike close behind, both with stupid grins on their faces. Mandy and I rolled our eyes and pushed past them to check that room. Kate was notorious for leaving things and true to form we found my silver stilettos under the bed. I tucked them into my suitcase and set everything by the door.

Jake returned with breakfast sandwiches, hash browns, fruit, coffee, juice, and some muffins. We sat around the living room eating as quietly as possible.

We gradually all tried to remember what happened. We found evidence of three clubs, though none of us remembered the third. We'd either spent a really long time at the second club or gone somewhere in between but we couldn't figure out the gap in time. Jake put in that we'd all done shots of absinthe and more tequila body shots at the second club, so that explained the black outs. I hated that I'd let myself get that drunk, but there was no changing it now. Mike found a credit card receipt for the taxi ride back to the hotel, time stamped 4 am. In all, we'd lost anywhere between 5 and 7 hours. I shuddered to think about what we'd done.

We scanned our phones and Mandy had called an ex or three during that time, I'd sent a couple of texts to Charlie and Renee's home numbers, but the others had nothing other than calling for a taxi on Mike's phone.

"I feel like I'm living in some weird movie about Vegas," muttered Jake with a scowl. "What the fuck did we do?"

I had to admit, a crazy night no one really remembered was a hell of a way to bond, even with Mike Newton. He wasn't so bad, I decided. He definitely made Kate happy and there weren't many guys who made her smile like this. They were actually kind of disgusting in a sweet way as they broke off pieces of food and fed each other.

"So," said Mike with a grin as we finished and cleaned up our trash. "Phoenix, huh."

Kate nodded, looking a little sad. I hadn't seen that look before in regards to anything other than a broken heel or torn article of clothing. Apparently, Mike really got to her. "It's an hour flight. You should visit whenever you can."

Mike nodded and leaned in to kiss her. I couldn't help but stare. Jake poked me in the side and I shook myself to snap out of it. This was beyond bizarre. I was over being creeped out by Mike, but I wasn't sure I'd ever be used to him being a normal person.

After breakfast, we headed downstairs and checked out. Mike hailed a cab and we piled in again. Jake's flight was an hour after ours, but he figured it'd be better to just hang out at the airport. We checked in and went through security, Kate staying behind for one more goodbye make out session with Mike. The rest of us found the gate for the Phoenix flight and settled in to wait.

Jake pulled me into his lap, gently kissing my neck. "I don't want you to go," he sighed.

I rested my forehead against his. "I know. But I have a life in Phoenix now. I can't just leave."

"You have some great roommates, sure, but do you really love your job, Bells?"

I was quiet. "Yeah, actually I do. I'm an assistant manager, Jake. I've done pretty well there."

"So you'll never come back for good."

"No." He shook slightly against me so I pressed a kiss to his temple.

"We'll be fine. If you don't mind a couple stops creating a long trip it doesn't cost that much to fly back and forth once in a while."

He nodded and rubbed my back thoughtfully. "What if I moved to Phoenix?"

I looked at him with surprise. "What about the pack?" I asked in a low voice, looking over at Mandy to make sure she didn't hear me.

"If you want me in Phoenix, there's nothing they can do to stop it. There haven't been any leeches around since you left. We just do our patrols out of habit these days."

I desperately wanted him in Phoenix. He'd actually fit in pretty well there. I stroked his long hair thoughtfully. "Let me think about it, ok?"

He nodded and kissed me lightly.

We sat in silence for a minute. "Bells, I have to tell you something."

I looked up at him. "Ok."

"You've got to knock it off. This drinking until you pass out shit…it's fucked up. It's not going to help you get over Edward or me or whatever the hell you're trying to do. It's bad for you and it…" he paused for a moment and sighed "it frankly scares the shit out of me. I can't count the number of times I've wanted to fly down to Phoenix immediately after getting one of your calls at 3 in the morning, drunk off your ass."

I stared at him in surprise. "I'm sorry," I said, for lack of anything better. "I just…I didn't used to be like this."

"I know. I understand you can't be the Bella you were, but…" he paused again and ran his fingers through his hair agitatedly "I don't really like the Bella you are, not entirely anyway. You're more outgoing and less self-conscious, and that's fucking awesome, but you're…damn, you're a bit of a slut. I loved the Bella that I spent all day with yesterday, the one who held my hand and laughed and rode roller coasters. The one who did body shots was fine, but I wouldn't want to hang out with her all the time."

I flinched at that. "A slut?"

"How many guys have there been? Honestly?"

I pulled away from him, angry now. "Not that many."

"But more than two, right?"

I scowled at him. "You're no angel, either, Jacob Black."

He sighed and rubbed my back. "I know, and I'm sorry. But in my defense, I've only gotten black out drunk once and that was last night. You did it twice this weekend and how many times before? It's not safe and it's not healthy and it scares me shitless."

I looked away from him. I knew I was being stupid and reckless, acting like some damn sorority girl, just a statistic waiting to happen. At least we never drove drunk, but I had to admit, he had a point. There were lots of guys who got upset with our empty flirting and there had been nights that we'd run away from clubs, clubs we didn't go to anymore.

I fiddled with my bracelet, rubbing the wooden wolf. "I'm sorry. I'll do better. No more drinking till I'm past proper judgment."

"Promise?"

I rolled my eyes. "Well, if I'm at home, no. I fell completely safe drinking in my own home."

"Promise. No more black out drunkenness. I'm not around to protect you and I can't lose you."

I looked at him then, studying his face. I reached up and cupped his face in my hands. "Ok, promise. But you have to do something for me in return."

"Anything."

I locked eyes with him and studied him for a long moment. I couldn't believe I was going to say this, but in a weird way it felt completely and utterly right. "Move to Phoenix. Live with me and my crazy psycho roommates."

His face split into a huge grin. "I thought you needed to think about it."

I rolled my eyes. "I thought about it. I want you with me, forever." I rested my forehead on his, my hands still cupping his cheeks. "I love you, Jake. I don't want to be without you anymore. Come home with me."

He pulled me close to him and kissed me. "Fuck yeah. I'll start making arrangements as soon as I can. It might be a couple weeks." He looked at me, worried I'd change my mind.

"As long as you come."

He pulled me back for another kiss. We were interrupted by the announcement that our flight was boarding. I waited until the last possible minute before kissing Jake good-bye and following Mandy and Kate who'd already boarded. Kate was staring listlessly out the window and Mandy was already asleep. I buckled myself in and closed my eyes. Even though I didn't remember a lot of it, it had been a fan-fucking-tastic birthday.

***

Four weeks later, Jake was in Phoenix and had managed to find a job at a garage nearby. He fit in surprisingly well in Phoenix, since there were a few more Native Americans in this part of the country than up north. Kate and Mandy loved having him around since he was so strong and imposing looking. We still locked the doors but felt liberated enough to sleep with the windows open to catch cool night breezes.

Charlie and Billy had practically shit rainbows when we'd announced he was moving in with me in Phoenix. They thought that meant marriage, but we quickly assured them that was _not_ on our agenda. We were all about the sinful shack up. They simply shrugged it off and grinned at each other at all the mutual grandchildren they saw in their future.

We girls had gotten the drinking under control, only having two drinks each when we went out, then spending the rest of the night with water or soda. It definitely saved us some money and headaches, both literal and figurative. We even cut back to only going out every other weekend instead of every weekend.

I grabbed the mail when I got home and tossed it on the counter, leafing through it absentmindedly as I started dinner. I frowned as I opened the envelope from the city of Las Vegas. Mike was the only person I knew there and there was absolutely no reason he'd be sending me anything, especially since he'd be here in two days anyway. Plus we hadn't done anything worth getting tickets or being contacted by the city had we? Maybe something more had happened the two nights I didn't remember than any of us guessed.

My eyes bugged when I skimmed the contents. I flipped my phone out of my pocket and punched in Jake's number.

"Hey Bells," he said, sounding distracted. "I'm kind of in the middle of something here at the garage. Can I call you back?"

"No. I just got our marriage license in the mail. We're married, you asshole."

***

Tali: And…that's it. Lol Kind of a non-ending ending. If I get inspired to keep going, I will. If I get inspired to do the missing years, I'll do that too. Thanks to all my fantastic reviewers! I got 35 (35!!!) emails in the last 9 hours and they rocked my world and pushed me to post this sooner than the normal 10 pm time. I love you all and hope you're not too terribly disappointed with new Bella and the way the story ended. It is, after all, just a story. And yes, I know the getting married while drunk in Vegas is way overdone, but…it's my story and I wanted to elope to Vegas many times while planning my wedding so ha.

Thanks for sticking it out to the bitter end and making me SUPER happy ALL the time. Love and beijos! t


	15. Chapter 14 Epilogue

I stood up, my back stiff with resolve. I would get through this day in one piece, even if it killed me. I was already sick and tired of the sympathetic looks, the hushed condolences, the murmured words of so called comfort. None of it made me feel any better and really only made me want to scream and kick someone.

"You want me to come with you?" murmured Ethan as I squeezed his hand. I shook my head.

"I need to do this on my own."

He nodded and watched me carefully as I stepped to the front of the crowd. I paused for a moment, resting my hand on the small box that held everything that had been so important to me for the last fifty years. A sob welled up in my chest but I fought it down. Now was not the time. There'd be time enough for that later.

I turned to the crowds assembled and cleared my throat.

"Jacob Black and I had an unconventional romance, some might say," I began. "We knew each other as children but didn't find each other as more until we were both in difficult circumstances." There were a few knowing looks in the audience and I fought back a smile. Some of the men here, though well into their seventies, looked younger than my own sons. Younger than a couple of my grandsons, even.

"I had to run from Jacob to know that I needed him, though he was always waiting for me, through everything." I stopped, the sobs coming up again. Immediately, Ethan and Will were by my side, holding me up as I felt everything crumbling around me.

Steeled by their presence, I forged on. "I was there when Jacob Black fell in love for the first time. I was there for his first kiss. I was there the day he became a father for the first time and every time that was renewed. I was there when he opened his first repair shop and I was there when it failed." There were low chuckles around the room. "I was there when first his father and then mine died. I was there when our sons were married and when our grandchildren were born. Through it all, for fifty years, I've been there with him, meeting each new challenge head on with him. But now," I faltered again, swallowing hard. "Now he's been stubborn and pigheaded like always and gone on without me. I promised never to leave him again, but I forgot to make him promise the same thing." Will squeezed my arm and I smiled up at my tall son, so like his father it was frightening sometimes.

I turned to the box and touched it lightly, aching inside to hold Jake again. I leaned over and kissed the box and pressed my forehead against it.

"I'll get you for this, you bastard," I whispered. I heard Will chuckling behind me and I turned, grinning at him wryly.

He pulled me into a hug and Ethan joined in, wrapping his arms around the two of us. A moment later, my other children and grandchildren had joined us on the small dais for a family hug. I squeezed my eyes shut and sighed softly.

"This is your family, Jake," I thought. "Your loved ones here to honor you. And Jared." I opened my eyes and looked out at the crowd and saw Jared and the rest of the pack starting towards us, joining in the family hug. I grinned at Jared and released my children to hug him.

"Thanks for being such an ass all those years ago," I murmured in his ear.

He laughed softly. "You're welcome Bella. Anytime."

***

Tali: Its short, I know, but I couldn't really feel a full story line. Hope you like it.


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